Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What Famous People Are Giving Up for Lent

Through investigative tactics perfected by the CIA, I have accessed the private Lenten commitments of many famous folks, including political, religious and entertainment celebrities. Here is a list of things given up for Lent by people you have heard of:

Barack Obama- Health Care Reform
Dick Cheney- Relevance
John Boehner (House Minority Leader)- Saying Yes to Anything the President asks
Sarah Palin- Presidential hopes
Republican Leaders- Usefulness to the Political process
The American people- Affordable health care, like other developed countries
Tea Partiers- Keeping up appearances that they are not actually angry Republicans
Glen Beck- Sanity
Jon Stewart- Any faith he had in the American people
Keith Olbermann- Any goodwill gathered during his tenure on Sports Center
Rush Limbaugh- Truth
Rahm Emmanuel- His job
Scott Brown- His designation as Sexiest Massachusetts State Senator (but he hopes to pick up the designation of US Senate’s sexiest Senator after Easter)
John Edwards- His marriage
Mark Sanford- Not talking about the “love” of his life

Religious Leaders
Mark Driscoll- His desire to be the John Mayer of Christianity
John Piper- His obvious man-crush on Pat Robertson
Andrew Jones- Emergent
Brian McLaren- Orthodox Theology
Doug Pagitt- Augustine
Rob Bell- belief that Grand Rapids is a nice place to live
Don Miller- The hopes his film will ever be made
Jim Wallis- References to Self in all written communication
Ed Young, Jr.- Modesty
Pat Robertson- Shutting Up
Everyone else- Not listening to anything Pat Robertson says

Entertainment and Sports
Tiger Woods- pursuit of Jack Nicklaus’ golf records/ endorsements
John Mayer- twitter and interviews (also racist and sexist statements)
Kanye West- CAPITAL LETTERS (or is he giving up lowercase letters. It was illegible)
Peyton Manning- believing he will have as many Super Bowl rings as Tom Brady
Tom Brady- the belief he will ever get to another Super Bowl
Taylor Swift- Auto-tune
Lil Wayne- Freedom
Jeff Bridges- His designation as America’s most underrated and under-appreciated actor, along with his designation as the best actor without an Oscar.


Unknown said...

The sad thing is, only a few will make it all the way to Easter....

Although I am not Catholic, I like the excerise of "giving something up" for Lent. This year I am giving up cursing, as my 17 month old son is ready to start talking and is definitely listening to every word I say. We'll see how it goes....

Timothy Wayne Good said...

But can you give up what you don't know you have?

Unknown said...

Tiger pursuing Jack Nicholson? Nicholson's a better actor than a golfer. Now Nicklaus was a pretty good golfer ;-p

Chris said...

Manning and Brady: both true, I think.
Bridges: I hope so. He's amazing.

revhipchick said...

thanks! i so needed a chuckle!