Tuesday, March 15, 2011

John Piper Clarifies Tweets regarding Rob Bell

Late Breaking News from Minneapolis



Rob Bell was not the only Christian celebrity speaking to his followers via streaming online video on Monday evening. John Piper, in a hastily thrown together video chat on his website (www.desiringgod.org), answered reporters questions regarding his previous tweet which had created the firestorm of blogs postings, tweets and facebook rants on the supposed content of Rob Bell's newest book, Love Wins.

In an opening statement, an unnamed twenty-something spokesman for Piper declared that the controversy was entirely overblown and without merit. Piper was disappointed that his words had been taken out of context and that so much buzz had been created for a book by a pastor with a mere Master of Divinity and no advanced theological training. Said the statement, "While I am sure Rob is a wonderful guy, his books should not be selling as well as mine due to the fact his followers are not as well educated and he is lacking the proper credentials, credentials that would put his theological ramblings in proper alignment."

Asked why his press conference/ web chat was happening at the same time as a Rob Bell event in New York City, the spokesman explained that "Reformed Christians, or should I say, Christians, need to have their focus on the truth of the Gospel and Hell, not be distracted by a rock star talking about love. Who does he think he is, Bono?"

At this time, Dr. Piper came to the podium to explain his tweet. Piper explained that the tweet in question, in which he said "Farewell, Rob Bell" before sharing the link to a review of the book by a Conservative blogger with no actual knowledge of the contents of the book, was out of context.

"Actually I said, Fare Well, Rob Bell," which is a completely different sentiment. For one thing, it flows poetically. That anyone would think that I would create such an awkward couplet as the actual tweet is preposterous. I have modeled my use of language after the Puritan poet/ theologians like Jonathan Edwards. Secondly, I realized that much controversy would arise surrounding his book, so I wanted to offer a word of encouragement and hope that he fares well with this. Lastly, as any reader of Old English understands, 'fare-thee-well' is a statement of hope for perfection."

When asked about the actual tweet, Piper answered, "Dang autocorrect. I don't know what kind of Communists they have running Apple, but their Big Brother attitude towards typing is ridiculous."

At this time, Piper left the podium, abruptly ending the news conference/ chat. His spokesman told those gathered that Piper would be retreating to his home to read Jonathan Edwards' responses to bad press before reading tweets about the Rob Bell event in New York City.


UPDATE:
Later that evening, after watching a bit of Rob Bell's stream, John Piper's twitter account shared this tweet, "Farewell, Rob Bell, You I tell, There is a Hell." A spokesman asserted the veracity of the tweet.

21 comments:

Kristi said...

Awesome.

The Misfit Toy said...

Yeah what Kristi said,. This one is full of awesome.

Scot said...

Have you considered writing for The Onion?

Jackie Sill said...

I am not sure that I believe that you meant Fare Well, Rob Bell. I believe that you meant Farewell, Rob Bell and I am disappointed that you felt the need to alter what happened to appease the critics.
We are all guilty of doing things in haste, and I would have more respect for you if you just owned what you did. It would not be an unforgivable act to have "tweeted" something hastily without thinking of the possible consequences.
I'm not a Mars Hill-ite, in fact, while I am a Christian, I have still never read a Rob Bell book. So, I hope that you will not perceive my comments as just another overprotective Rob Bell fan. I just strive for, testify to and encourage transparency in all that I do and write.
Have a great day.
~J

Loma Kath said...

Very funny! Thanks for bringing cleverness to a mock-worthy situation.

tsk said...

thanks for clearing that up. i thought the 'farewell rob bell' post was what John Piper tweeted in the room of a Grand Rapids pub after having a beer with Rob Bell and seeing him leave.

DJ Word said...

Jackie,

This is a piece of satire. I don't think Piper would approve:)

Jamie the VWM said...

This is by far the best/most hilarious thing I've read on the entire controversy. Thank you!

My Thoughts said...

I can't believe Piper said this about credentials. Sounds a lot like something a Pharisee would say. "Then answered the Pharisees, Are you also deceived? Have any of the rulers or of the Pharisees believed on him? But this people who knows not the law are cursed." John 7:46-49 What arrogance.

Pablo es Muy Bueno said...

It was a joke...

A really really accurate joke...

Steve said...

Man, so true. Piper uses his so-called 'credentials' to describe the infinite horrors of hell lilke he's suddenly John Carpenter and no one says anything. Bell questions it the proper way (the whole concept of ECT is ridiculous and unbiblical) and gets hammered. Good stuff!

Dex said...

LOL! Written so well! Great piece of satire.

johnny said...

Piper's credentials statement is pure arrogance.

Besides, "hell" is not a place of eternal torment. "Hell" is "the grave".

Antonio said...

I don't see anything funny here...this guy Piper seems to be more arrogant than The Situation from Jersey Shore. What a spineless move to deny what he obviously meant by that tweet, as well. Sad.

Andrew said...

Be careful brother, the Bible isn't positive about the "scoffer who delights in his scoffing" (Proverbs 1:22). Yes you're clever, and everyone is congratulating you for it (see comments above) but are you bringing honor to the Lord Jesus in your manner?

Anonymous said...

I had never heard of John Piper until now. Just heard about this controversy. Havn't read the book either. Just googled their names to see what it was about and I have to say, I do not like John Piper's comments either. I agree about his 'credentials' comments. He sounds extremely conceited to me and I cannot imagine Jesus saying anything so boastful and on top of that, Jesus' disciples did not have John Pipers credentials either, however the Pharisees would have had the equivalent.

Robert A Murphy said...

Great writing!

Piper has spent too much time in the spotlight as the darling of the "reformed" church (didn't that happen a few hundred years ago?). I thought his comment so rude and dismissive. He meant EXACTLY what he said or he would have posted a second message correcting. This means he LYING.

Anonymous said...

"Fare well" LOL

Anonymous said...

I am not sure why I feel this urgency to rush to Piper's defense. I have been a student of John Piper's for thirteen years and am appalled at the comments concerning him being arrogant and pompous. His ministry, in the hands of the Holy Spirit, has awakened me to know and savor Christ more fully. Humility covers every word he says. As one who has heard 100s of sermons and read many of his books... I easily accept his explanation of using poetic Old English. That is how Piper speaks. He may be a "Calvinist" but he upholds the Word of God as such, the Word of God, more than any teacher I've had the privilidge of learning from. And I earnestly encourage you to spend a little time getting to know his ministry before dismissing him. www.desiringgod.org

Anonymous said...

Jesus didn't seem to need a lot of degrees in order to speak truth. But what do I know, I just have an MDiv.

Anonymous said...

Piper did express good will to Rob Bell after Bell announced he'll be stepping down as pastor.