Musicians I want the Wild Goose Festival to Bring!

The Wild Good Fest, a new American progressive Christian festival announced its lineup of speakers a couple of days ago. It is littered with friends of mine and my wife, so we are thinking of heading to the woods of North Carolina to hook up with old friends and new at this Americanized version of Greenbelt, the English Festival I have never attended.

Earlier today it released its musician list, which is of more interest to me. They had already announced two artists, Denison Witmer and the incomparable T-Bone Burnett. While I know they are trying to make it diverse, I was sure lineup would lean heavily towards the folkie/ singer songwriter genre. It always happens. Its what progressively minded intellectuals usually listen to. I was right. With a few notable exceptions, it is heavily earnest guy or girl with guitar.

I created my list before they announced, so I am happy some including Sarah Mason, Over the Rhine and Bill Mallonee were included. Some, such as Bajah and the Dry-Eye Crew and Michelle Shocked, are inspired (I missed her on my list).

That said, I am announcing the lineup I was wishing for. Since I used to be a concert promoter, have written critically about music and been considered an expert on the subject for 20 plus years, I thought someone out there may want to know my opinion. However, Wild Goose hasn't asked me for my opinion. They probably know better than asking a music snob.

So here we go.

First of all we have the No Brainers and the people I am sure they have asked (I am guessing most of these artists were out of their price range or too busy). If they haven't asked these people, I am very surprised. These musicians have shown that they stand for what the WGF is about. I have starred the musts, in my eyes. Some of these are among my faves, but many are a little mainstream for my tastes:

Jennifer Knapp, The Psalters, mewithoutYou* (in whatever incarnation), Sarah Mason*, Glenn Phillips* (formerly of Toad the Wet Sprocket), Derek Webb, Bill Mallonee of Vigilantes of Love*, the Flobots*, Damien Jurado, David Bazan*, Danielson (probably too big in their own eyes), David Vendervelde, Sam Phillips (probably uninterested due to inclusion of ex-husband), Cobalt Season*, Julie and Buddy Miller, Tom Conlon, Maeve, Bruce Cockburn, Indigo Girls (although too big probably), John Austin*, Michael knott, Sixpence none the Richer, the Choir.

Lovedrug (not a big fan), Jars of Clay, Mutemath and Switchfoot would be very smart choices and give a nice buzz. In fact, I would try to get Jon Foreman of Switchfoot to come solo or with his other side projects. I would also try to get Glen Phillips side project called Works Progress Administration.

The Civil Wars would be a coup, but should be asked.

Speaking of coups:

These artists are probably too big, but worth a looksy. One might say yes, especially in the future (or one of the members of a band could come solo). Some are serious home runs and dreams only, while others may say yes and still be a coup.

Moby*, Sufjan Stevens, Owl City, Ben Folds, Lauryn Hill, Arcade Fire:), Avett Brothers (live right down the street), Mumford and Sons (of course), Nick Cave*, Mindy Smith, Patty Griffin, Joseph Arthur (solo or with his band Fistful of Mercy), Elvis Perkins, Frightened Rabbit, BRMC (doable)*, Social Distortion, Local Natives, Joy Formidable, Gaslight Anthem and The Hold Steady.

All of these artists embody a similar spiritual side, whatever their professed belief system.

Hip Hop Artists to Ask:

Gift of Gab* (and his band Blackalicious), Pigeon John, K'naan, Lateef, Prodigal Son, Emmanuel Jal**, Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco, Chuck Rite (singer).

Electronic Music or DJs:

I don't listen to many that have any expressed spirituality. However, Andy Hunter and Todd Edwards are interesting to some. And Son Lux would be a wonderful addition!

Interesting worship leaders:

Gungor or Shawn Aaron Thomas. Both fit in their ethos.

Since they are connected to Greenbelt in some ways, these former Greenbelt musicians could be interesting:

Iain Archer, Maria McKee* (I cannot imagine. This would blow me away), Sixpence none the Richer, Michael Franti and Spearhead* (coup), ryoksopp.

Special Music:

Sacred harp sing-a-long, led by an expert (I know one). This would fit with the mountains of NC and tie it to our religious heritage.

Smart Choices (look these musicians up):

Ani Moss and the Unfortunate, Songs of Water* (from NC), Lauren Mann, 10 Centuries, Timbre*, Exebelle and Rusted Calvacade (smart alt country from Virginia), Damion Suomi**, Sharon Van Etten, Lost in the Trees (NC band), Charlie Sexton, Manchester Orchestra, Page France, Alexander and the Grapes, The OaKs, Bryant Park Quartet/ ACME.

Any of those would be inspired choices. Most of the musicians have very little following (except Lost in the Trees, Manchester Orchestra, Sharon Van Etten and Charlie Sexton) but the value-add would be huge.

Lastly, here is my Top 10 of who I wanted to see at Wild Goose Festival and Why:

1. Hey Rosetta!- Canadian band with the same spiritual flavor as Mumford and Sons or Coldplay, they are passionate orchestral pop that have much in common with Coldplay, Mumford, Ra Ra Riot, Arcade Fire and Sigur Ros. Check out the video to Yer Spring to see what I mean. I like them much better than Coldplay or Mumford.

2. Aradhna- Hindi lyrics and music with Christian themes.

3. Jim White- a former Pentacostal with interesting views on Christianity and spirituality, he has created a spot where electronica and alt country meet.

4. The Mountain Goats- no one talks about Christianity and the Bible quite like these guys.

5. Jeff Mangum- he is touring and he is the most important musician of the last 20 years most people don't know. His band Neutral Milk Hotel influenced everyone Indie before breaking up. All the hip young Indie hipster Christian kids know that he sings about Jesus in a way most people could never get away with.

6. The Cave Singers- interesting Americana band from Seattle of indeterminate Spirituality. Check out the video to Dancing on Our Graves.

7. Peter Himmelman-Conservative Jew from Minneapolis and the best performer I have ever seen. He is known as Bob Dylan's son-in-law, but he is on par with Dylan lyrically.

8. K'naan- the Somali/ Canadian rapper would blow the roof off the joint and fit in well with the theme of social justice. He is the closest thing to Bob Marley alive right now.

9. Todd Snider-great performer and masterful songwriter, Todd is also serious about speaking out on Christianity and politics.

10. Asthmatic Kitty night- Pick who could come from Sufjan Steven's label. DM Stith would bring a great mood to the proceedings and the Welcome Wagon would help people wishing they could see Sufjan Stevens. Fol Chen, My Brightest Diamond and Julianna Barwick would be interesting selections. Heck just bring one of these performers or their partner in crime, St. Vincent (so she could sing, Jesus Saves, I spend).

There you have it. My perfect lineup for such a festival. maybe next year:)

reposting from April 2009- Arcade Fire is Emergent Idol Winner

"Churches should replace hymns with Arcade Fire songs,

more kids would sing along."*

This is a reposting from April 2009. I think it is good to reread in light of the new found glory Arcade Fire has found, especially among young, emerging and other Christians. While I would change some of my insights, I decided to leave it in its old form. I would love to rewrite this in light of The Suburbs which expands upon the message of the first two albums. Hope you enjoy:

How many of you guessed this? Ohhh Canada! I had to pick a band that did not hail from these United States and included both genders in its leadership, one that explores the past and future; mining many traditional sounds and world elements, yet is still totally part of its own culture, a band that is obsessed with religion, consumerism, community, activism, etc. It sounds like Emergent, especially its younger future. It also helps Arcade Fire's cause that it is the premiere band to debut since the emerging church conversation's advent in its present form. Plus, I like picking a band that is not even "Christian" which should satisfy Emergent's critics ("I told you they were not really Christians. If they were, their official band would be Caedmon's Call").

Of course, I am basing this on just 2 albums, one of which is really the official album of Emergent more than any band could take the title official band of Emergent. However, based upon this album and what I think we are in over the next decade, I designate Arcade Fire the official band of Emergent.

Just as Emergent has had its Lesslie Newbiggin, Brian McLaren, N.T. Wright and Stanley Grenz and is moving to new voices, Arcade Fire is the next step in spiritual music's evolution, beyond Radiohead, U2 and VOL.

Its first EP made little splash, so many critics and listeners were not prepared for Arcade Fire's debut, Funeral (it reminds me of the early 80s when R.E.M.'s Chronic Town EP which no one heard was followed by Murmer, which blew my bedroom door off its hinges). A bunch of intellectual Canadians working as a community, led by a husband from Houston and his French Canadian wife, astonished listeners by conjuring up the spirits of the Talking Heads and Modest Mouse, while turning those bands on their heads through traditional instrumentation and

choir-like choruses. Funeral sounds like wheels coming off of a Gospel bus, chaotic but ordered, like the beginning of the universe or the warning shots of a band to be reckoned with for a long while.

It is an album that deals directly with the reality of death, but laughs heartily and hopefully in its face, daring it to direct confrontation. Its lens is the "neighborhood" handed to us by our parents. It is to be destroyed, but not angrily. It is to be confronted and destroyed to build a new world, one focused on faith, hope, love and community (a theme expanded upon on album #2). Does this sound familiar?

While not as spiritually direct as its follow up, Funeral speaks to us by creating otherworldly music and new hymns it will perfect on Neon Bible. They reach a transcendence on this album that contemporary praise and worship cannot, beyond the emotional heart pull of your typical never ending crescendo of praise choruses. Listen once to Wake Up and tell me you do not wish church music reached those heights, everyone singing in unison. It is an album of renewal.

But it does not prepare us for the intense spirituality of the next album; the main reason I consider Arcade Fire the official band of Emergent, or emerging Christianity. That album is entitled Neon Bible and I hope you own it. Named after John Kennedy Toole's first novel and sporting a sound church worship bands should study like a sacred text, Neon Bible declares what we considered a possibility with Funeral; this could be the new U2 or Bruce Springsteen (its musical poppa, along with Talking heads).

To call Neon Bible a dark album is to miss the point. Yes it is dark. Yes it is angry. Yes, it is intense and almost devoid of humor. However, like the film Magnolia, it builds the relentless despair to prepare the listener for the hope of the final quarter. In fact, the last 1/3 of the album is on par with the best album ending of all time (Abbey Road's final act). Built on a wholly emergent understanding of community, Arcade Fire shoot broadsides at the church, religion, America, consumerism, war and Western Culture in general. However, as Winn Butler said in an interview, He "is addressing religion in a way that only someone who actually cares about it can. It’s really harsh at times, but from the perspective of someone who thinks it has value.”

The ultimate goal of this album, stated in the same interview is to move beyond the fear which has caused so many of the problems our culture has. Winn states, “There are two kinds of fear: The Bible talks a lot about fear of God—fear in the face of something awesome. That kind of fear is the type of fear that makes someone want to change. But a fear of other people makes you want to stay the same, to protect what you have. It’s a stagnant fear; and it’s paralyzing." It is that fear that the emerging church is fighting, and these anthems should become part of its hymnody, a hymnody that stands against (according to Butler) "this idea that Christianity and consumerism are completely compatible, which I think is the great insanity of our times.”

The Christian themes of this album have been explored by those more talented than I, namely David Dark. However, I can tell you that no specifically Christian album has spoken to me like Neon Bible in many years. In fact, I put it with The Joshua Tree, The 77s, Killing Floor, Circle Slide and The Turning as the most spiritually significant albums of my lifetime.

From the Black Mirror of the opening track which illuminates the future, to the golden calf American Christianity has created in Neon Bible, the prophetic cry of Black Wave/ Bad Vibrations and the realization of the damage the church can do to those which love it in the grandiose hymn Intervention ('working for the church while your family dies"), the first half of the album pulls no punches in its indictment and I feel its weight. However, it does not prepare me for the power of Butler and company's descent into the heart of an American Christian (Jessica' Simpson's dad standing in for each of us) in struggling to do the right thing, while trying to live the American dream and failing miserably in the song (antichrist television blues). The final lyric of the song, "Oh Lord, am I the Antichrist" never leaves me without a chill down my spine.

And the album has not even approached its crescendo. Windowsill is probably the most preachy song on an album of sermons, but very few Christians have dealt with the subject of American power, Empire and consumerism in such a compelling manner. This song has become a personal anthem of mine, part of a ritual I do to focus myself when I become to enamoured with myself, my nation, or my lifestyle desires.

And then comes the hope. After showing us the condition of our hearts, our faith and our culture, Arcade Fire chooses to remind us that there is a hope beyond this world we know, one filled with community, connectivity and humanity at its best in No Cars Go. And of course, they end the album with a hymn (organ and all) dedicated to connection with each other and the world beyond in My Body is a Cage. Even though the singer lives in an age that calls darkness light, he cries to have his body and spirit set free.

Amen. Neon Bible is a litugry for these troubled times, a church service we need to go to this Good Friday and Easter, knowing from the darkness of Friday, hope arrives with resurrection Sunday.

An indictment of the American religious condition and Western culture that is only saved through personal responsibility for the needed changes based in community and hope for the future sounds like a Christian movement I want to be a part of. In fact, it sounds like a Christian movement I am part of. And that is why consider Arcade Fire the official band

of Emergent.

Arcade Fire's Neon Bible was my Top Album of 2007. Here is what I said about it then. link

* Michael Spadoni (Reax magazine)

2 Perfect Christian Conferences

Taking cues from other conference directors and creators, I am going into the business of creating and managing events. It should work well for me. I have put together multiple events during my life and used to be a concert promoter. In fact, I am partnering with a friend in Tampa Bay to put on next week’s Sustainable Faith conference in St. Pete featuring Shane Claiborne, Doug Pagitt and Danielle Shroyer. It should be a great event.

As I try to create my own brand of conferences I have decided to move towards absolute perfection. Too many of these conferences are trying for absolute diversity but failing miserably. Last year, friends put on such a conference in which all the speakers were women. This year, the main conference happening in a few weeks is diverse, but still over populated by men with beards (I called it the Beards of Theology event). I just received an email concerning an event in Atlanta this fall that attempts diversity. The main speakers are an African American woman, a Native American man and a white guy. This is good, but don’t women hold a higher percentage in the USA? Not, 100% like that conference I mentioned, but something like 51%-49% (I am not actually looking it up).

So, here are 2 conference ideas. The first is for progressive, emerging, Social Justice Christians. It takes a lot of work and will get me very little money since they demand everything be free or discounted (each wants an insider deal and is a poor Democrat). To make up for it, I will put on the perfect Reformed Evangelical Christian conference. I can charge a lot of money (the advantage of high salaries, big church budgets and Republicanism) with very little work.

IDEA #1

CATYLATE or CATYL8

Cost: $9.99

Location: still looking at UCC churches and seminaries in mid-major cities

21 speakers

11 female/ 10 male

8 White

4 African American

4 Latino (representing Mexican, Caribbean, Central and South American ethnicities)

3 Asian (representing Korean and Chinese, along w/ another)

1 multi-ethnic (hopefully Jewish or Arab in there- preferable both)

1 Native American

5 will be Gay or Lesbian

10 former Evangelicals (at least 2 former Baptists, 2 former Charismatics, 3 former fundies from Liberty or a Bible college)

5 mainliners

2 Catholics

4 other faith traditions

Presently, as I try to determine speakers, I realize that I need some people to play multiple parts with the coupe de grace being someone representative of 3 groupings. This is harder than trying to make the seedings for the NCAA tournament.

Music will be led by a good natured bearded folk singer with “edgy” lyrics about doubt and never-ending crescendos… and his girlfriend.

Each talk will be 18 minutes because TED is 20 and we want to be even better than TED. Topics include How to Be Liked by Everyone that is not a Closed Minded Fundamentalist,

What churches can learn from the spirituality and community building in dolphin communities, in a pluralistic age, why Christianity is not really superior to other religions, but kinda is, Post-Colonialism is not just a catchphrase, it actually means something,

Social Media: a Force for Good or a force for Great, Open Source Theology Using a Closed Source Technology, Life After Jesus and Why Everything we Ever Learned in Church is Wrong and the TV show LOST is Right, along with a discussion of Why Shane Claiborne, Rob Bell and anyone too successful aren’t really in our camp.

Since I will undoubtedly lose money on this, unless I can get everyone to come for free and get some suckers to sponsor it,J I still need to make some bank. For that, here is the perfect Conservative, Reformed Conference.

Conference #2

Our Gospel is Bigger than Yours

Cost $599.99

Location: Nashville with telecasts in Louisville, Dallas, Seattle, LA and Orlando

Speakers are 10 White Men, 5 of which wear suits and 5 of which cuss and wear Ed Hardy shirts.

Music will be led by a good natured bearded folk singer with “edgy” lyrics about sovereignty and reworkings of really old hymns of proper theological content all with never ending crescendos … and his pregnant wife.

Each sermon will be 45-50 minutes long, unless more time is desired. Topics will include The Primacy of Sovereignty in Theology, The Primacy of the Word Primacy in Preaching, The Primacy of Men in Relationships, The Primacy of Church Discipline, The Primacy of the Pastor’s will being done as an indication of His role as God’s Appointed, The Primacy of the Heresy of Emerging Christianity, A Discussion of the Heresy of Brian McLaren by the 10 speaker in which no one is allowed to dissent from the norm, Why Our Bible is better than yours, Why the Atonement is Not a Rose, but is a Tulip and Why We believe in Depravity of Man and the Sovereignty of God but Are Still Right about Everything.

At Conference #2 these words will be banned from use unless used disparagingly or in a mocking tone: contextual, justice, equality, emerge (and variations), process, doubt, pluralism, LOST (the TV show), conversation/ dialogue/ discussion and Brian McLaren.

At conference #2, these words must be used by all speakers. If unused contract is rendered null and void: Primacy (at least 4X per talk), sovereign, penal substitution, discipline, Gospel (as defined by us/ and as a hammer), orthodox, lost (people), sin, preaching, elder.

At conference #1 all these word usages will be reversed.

Amen to the Critiques of the Whiteness of the Emerging Church

In its most recent edition, Sojourners published an article asking if the Emerging Church is too white by an Asian-American theologian. This is a good question, as is any such question.

In fact, the answer is yes. It is too white. It is too male. It is too American. It is too Protestant. It is too filled with professional clergy and those that wish they were professional clergy. It is too upper-middle class and too educated. It is filled with too many Mac users... and too many Democrats. It is also filled with too many intellectuals, too many Midwesterners and Californians and too many fans of LOST and folk music (and if you ask its critics, not enough Christians).

If it does not have a cross section which looks exactly like an approximation of the make-up of the world or at least America, it is too something. ALWAYS. Even if an entity is struggling with the fact that it is too white, too male, too intellectual, too rich or too right handed, we must be vigilant to criticize it based upon our singular experience. In a post-modern world facts are not to be trusted. If Colbert has taught me anything, it is this.

It does not matter if something is trying to change, we should demand the change even as it is changing (instead of demanding it before the change begins). That way, when change does happen, as it already is, we get to say it is because we made a stink about it.

We must work hard to critique young changing organizations and movements like the emerging church while ignoring the leadership of our nation, the Supreme Court of the United States, the Executive branch, the leadership of both political parties, the clergy and leadership of the United Methodist, Episcopal, Southern Baptist, Cooperative Baptist, Presbyterian (USA), American version of Roman Catholic, and Lutheran churches, the leadership of Christianity Today, Willow Creek, Purpose Driven, Relevant and Sojourners itself. We should ignore every parachurch organization also. We need to focus on the ones that are easy to critique and wanting to change. It is the right thing to do.

As we focus our energies on the entities that are trying to become more diverse, solely because they want to reflect the world at hand and listen to voices beyond those with the same life experience, not because of some political correctness (even if there is more than I like), we can ignore those that have not opened themselves up to change, those with hidden agendas that may never change because the pressure is put on the easy one.

When I was in a fraternity in college, a couple of black guys wanted to join. Now, we were not KA, a notoriously white-only fraternity. Heck, we had guys from many different ethnic backgrounds, Latino, Greek, Asian, Italian, Arab and Indian. But, in our eyes all of these were white. In fact, growing up as I did, there were 2 races, black (anyone with really dark skin) and white (anyone with relatively light skin). It did not matter what ethnicity you really were, you just fell into one of those camps. That said, I remember trying to get my fraternity to open themselves us to brothers that were not white... or some variation. As usual, I was branded the trouble making liberal Jesus freak (things were not different in my fraternity or my church).

It was almost impossible to get these exceptional young men in, with every dishonest excuse imaginable, some of which would make you laugh if they were not so cringe worthy. Within a year our fraternity relented (when a black freshman showed up for rush week who was so superior in quality to any of the rest of us that only the most ardent racists complained).

When we focus our energies on demanding diversity of those entities that long for diversity, we may miss those entities that hide their disdain for diversity from the rest of the world... like my fraternity and those leading some of our businesses, churches and social groups (and even they change sometimes).

by the way, I think th emerging church is too insular, but its whiteness is not the issue. in fact, had these critiques happened 3-4 years ago, they would hold resonance, but now they are one of the few critiques of the emerging church that lack relevance.

12 marks of new monasticism, according to your dad

Somewhere along the line, you may have come into contact with the 12 Marks of New Monasticism, a branch of the Emerging Church I have had tangential connection to during my journey. These 12 Marks, compiled by Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove paint a very appealing picture of Christianity to many of us (myself included). However, to many of our parents, pastors and church leaders from another generation or worldview, they may seem a bit strange.

When asked to write a piece of satire for a magazine frequented by New Monastics, I came up with an early draft of the 12 marks, which was intended to poke a little fun at the earnestness of the group, while maintaining an understanding of who they are. It was not the right piece for the publication, so I have decided to resurrect it here, primarily because I like it. I have changed it from an early draft, so as to not unintentionally insult the originator. Instead we are going with this…

When a New Monastic says this (one of the 12 Marks), his/her dad or pastor hears this (something entirely different). This could be why New Monasticism and other emerging church ideas sound freakish to some older Christians.

The 12 Marks of New Monasticism, interpreted by your Dad.

1. You say “Relocation to the abandoned places of Empire.” Your dad hears “buy cheap houses in the ghetto and gentrify, but complain when other white people move in, thereby increasing your street-cred.”
2. You say “Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us.” Your dad hears “become a hippy cult like those people in Haight-Ashbury and continue to misinterpret Acts 2:44-45 by taking it literally.”
3. You say “Hospitality to the stranger.” Your dad hears “Hospitality to other strange white people with tattoos oh, and poor people too, just don’t feed them the organic stuff.”
4. You say “Lament for racial divisions within the church and our communities combined with the active pursuit of a just reconciliation.” Your black friends hear “whine and complain with other white people about the lack of black people in your church. Go to black churches and notice how much better the music is. Complain less loudly.”
5. You say “Humble submission to Christ’s body, the church.” Your dad hears “when the pastor says ‘drink the Kool-Aid,’ you ask “can I have grape?’”
6. You say “Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the community along the lines of the old novitiate.” Your dad hears “act Catholic when it suits you, Protestant at all other times.” While the priest down the street hears “act Catholic, except when it comes to all that Mary, Pope and lifelong celibacy stuff. You know the stuff that makes a Catholic, Catholic.”
7. You say “Nurturing common life among members of intentional community.” Your dad hears “rebel against your upbringing, but with other weird people (don’t drink or smoke alone). Talk about how much more real this is than the way you grew up in Evangelicalism.”
8. You say “Support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children.” Your dad or single friend hears “get to know singles that won’t let their girlfriend/ boyfriend sleep over. Ask them to babysit.”
9. You say “Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life.” Your dad hears “find roommates to share expenses so you don’t have to get a real job working for The Man."
10. You say “Care for the plot of God’s earth given to us along with support of our local economies.” Your dad hears “stay away from Starbucks, McDonalds and Wal-Mart frequented by real people and silently judge that those that shop there. Drive a Prius or a bike. I guess you could take the bus.”
11. You say “Peacemaking in the midst of violence and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18.” Your dad hears “don’t pray people in the back, like they did in your parent’s church. Tell people when you got a beef against them.” For once he agrees with you, unless you are really saying “vote for Democratics, if they are sufficiently non-patriotic. Vote Green Party, if you must vote. Just don’t tell anybody.” He just can’t tell which you are saying, but he is concerned your vote will cancel his Republican vote.
12. You say “Commitment to a disciplined contemplative life.” Your dad hears “give up on everything you were taught in Sunday School.” Your older friends that listen to Toad the Wet Sprocket hear “Burn your TV in the yard. Gather round it with your friends.” They smile, unless you really mean it.

I still like it better the other way (as an early draft with what he was really saying crossed out), but decided for once to be gentle (it will not be a trend, I assure you).

In an attempt to Sway Christian Voters, Obama moves State of the Union away from LOST premiere

After his fiascos surrounding the preemption of the Charlie Brown Christmas special, in which it was brought to light by a Tennessee mayor that President Obama, as a closet Muslim, was intentionally trying to destroy the Christian message, Obama’s spokesman, Robert Gibbs announced today that Obama will not preempt the season debut of LOST for his already scheduled State of The Union address on February 2. Instead, the State of the Union address will be on January 27, according to the White House.

According to Gibbs, “Obama understands the importance of LOST to Christians throughout the United States and after the unfortunate mistake surrounding the Charlie Brown Christmas special, Obama has heeded the advice of his Christian friends, supporters and counselors by changing his address date. It has been difficult to keep up with the scheduling of LOST, since they seem to work hard to make people confused about when it will be on. However, after speaking to head of nighttime programming at ABC, we have chosen to give America what it wants.”

“Why LOST and not another program on another network? is an obvious question," continues Gibbs. “Because the president was given a book entitled The Gospel According to LOST by Christian preacher Chris Seay last week. It is now the president’s understanding that LOST is an obvious presentation of the Christian message. While President Obama values all religious expressions equally, he does not want to offend his Christian friends once more.”

Reverend Brian McLaren, a regular advisor to the president on religious matters confirmed Obama’s desire to reach out to Christians after the “unfortunate Charlie Brown incident.” McLaren did say that this should bring back many of those in the Emerging Church movement who were frustrated by Obama because he had wimped out and acted too conservative on many issues, “they worship LOST even more than they care about their politics or theology.”

Press Statement from Mark Driscoll concerning his Steroid Usage

I have just intercepted this press release from 2015.

Statement to Members of the Press

From Mars Hill Church, Seattle, Washington. (January 12, 2015).

Due to rumors surrounding the use of performance enhancing drugs among pastors during the past 2 decades, the elders of Mars Hill Church, including Pastor Emeritus Mark Driscoll, have chosen to address this issue at this time.

From Pastor Mark:

“Now that I have retired from the pastorate to become Commissioner of Ultimate Christian Fighting®, an organization I started with the leaders of Acts 29 in 2011 to introduce young men to a more muscular version of Christianity, I have the chance to do something that I wish I was able to do a few years ago.

I never knew when, but I always knew this day would come. It's time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected. I used steroids during my preaching career and I apologize. Now, understand, I never used steroids personally and never consumed them in my body. My body is the product of good genes, hours in a gym, beer and naturally high levels of testosterone (I have stated before and will continue to state that Jesus had the highest levels of testosterone in human history). The steroids I used were injected directly into 3 areas; 1) My Bible, 2) The Gospel itself, 3) My preaching and writing.

I remember trying steroids very briefly in the 1996 church planting assessments in my preaching only and then after I saw how disturbingly wimpy emerging Christianity was becoming in 1999, I used steroids again, this time directly infusing my Bible with them. I used them on regularly throughout the Aughts, including during the days surrounding controversies with other preachers when I questioned their sexuality. My statement surrounding the fact that I could not follow a Jesus I could beat up was influenced by a steroid influenced Gospel, as was my preaching, teaching and commentary related to sex, sexuality and women’s issues. My Bible was completely addicted to these unnaturally high levels of testosterone.

While steroids have been rumored in the areas of my preaching directly related to my usage of harsh language and profanity before my repentance of such childishness, I would like to remind readers of this statement I am Irish and I did watch a lot of Chris Rock.

I wish I had never preached a steroid influenced Gospel. It was foolish and it was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never pastored during the steroid era. I watched as many good pastors and theologians decided to emasculate Jesus and turn him into our sissified best friend. I saw liberal theology seeping into the pores of our schools and the young men becoming preachers. I saw God turned into a servant for our desires and a Gospel that no longer took sin seriously. Because of that, I turned to steroids. I am embarrassed for what I did, but my heart was as pure as the heart of a reformed person, sinful at birth and dead in that sin, although saved by grace alone can be (TULIP still rocks!).

Preaching is really different now -- it's been cleaned up. God and the theological unions implemented testing and they cracked down, and I'm glad they did. I'm grateful to the elders of Mars Hill and the board of directors at Ultimate Christian Fighting® for testing my Gospel and Biblical understanding, as well as my old sermon streams (can you believe people still use youtube?) before confronting me. Yes, there was outside pressure, which I usually ignore. But, my mentors would not let it go. It is nice, as I get older to walk into a church and not need to worry about the language of the pastor, whether or not he will goop (so much better than tweeting, hah) in 25 characters some insult towards others, and not have the ladies of my life insulted.

I do need to apologize to many of the young men that followed me on twitter, watched and listened to my sermons, came to Acts 29 events and worshiped my church and its teachings. They decided that they could do everything that I did. I truly believe that many people were hurt by their reckless usage of a steroid influenced gospel. In fact, I did not know that these followers were so immature that they would merely copy me without using their own brains. I should have been a better role model. They should have not been working their own anger issues out in front of their churches. This morning via conference tweet I spoke to many of those young men I have influenced throughout the years through my preaching and teaching of a steroid influenced Gospel. They were noticeably upset. As they are tested, please be gentler on them than they were on their congregations.

I want to say thank you to John Piper for always giving me a hard time about my Gospel testosterone levels, to my children (girls included), wife, and to my Acts 29 teammates. I want to make sure wives know that they do not need to be hot and keep up to magazine standards to keep their husbands from straying (although it does help) and you don’t have to do absolutely anything your husband wants you to do sexually. I also want people to know Jesus does have a sensitive side also. However, it is still a sin to drink lite beer.

After all this time, I want to come clean. I was not in a position to do that five years ago in my interviews with Christianity Today, but now I feel an obligation to discuss this and to answer questions about it.

I'll do that, and then I just want to help my team."

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT: XXXXXXXXXXXXX

PHONE: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Date of release: January 12, 2015

Caveat: note to followers of Mark Driscoll and others that take themselves and their fiefdoms way too seriously, please note that I just made fun of your enemy (the Emerging Church). I make fun of things. It is what I do. I know Mark. We have had good times together in the past, usually surrounding mutual loves of Jesus, baseball, cigars and beer. I doubt he would be offended by my gentle poking.

Death to the Emerging Church! Long Live the Emerged Church!

Yes, I am trying to kill the Emerging Church!

Or

“They stabbed it with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast.” (if you don't know that reference, be ashamed and then google)

I don't know. In some ways I don't care, since this latest kerfuffle seems to be about semantics and making sure people are valued.

Yesterday’s little post highlighted the “controversy” over the death of the Emerging Church. Andrew Jones seemed to be trying to communicate that the Emerging Church might be dead, because it was now part of the mainstream (at least that is what I was hearing). Tony Jones seemed to disagree because he is on the receiving end of some of the attacks from the mainstream. In her response to both streams, Danielle Shroyer tells us that the revolution is no longer revolutionary (but not fully mainstream). All excellent points in my opinion. But, what do I know? I am no longer a pastor, not a theologian and not really part of any groupings at this time. I am just a guy that likes to tell people what music to listen to, what movies to see and make fun of everything.

if you wonder why I seem to take delight in making fun of things I am involved in, even tangentially, look back to my postings from earlier this year on Not Taking Yourself Seriously. I think we are all narcissistic and ridiculous people that believe ridiculous things about ourselves and the world around us. These ridiculous things need to be ridiculed occasionally.

However, you may wonder what I feel about regarding the death of the Emerging Church (why my opinion matters is beyond me, but I will share it narcissistically). Well, I want the Emerging Church to die… semantically. In fact, the very term communicates an ending and a death of its present condition (you have to emerge into something else or you cease to exist). I hate to be simplistic, but a caterpillar is dying (in its present form), from the second it begins life because it is on its way to becoming something else. That’s how I feel about the emerging church. It is on its way to being an emerged church, so it must die (semantically).

I sit in between all these worlds wanting there to be no emerging church in its present manifestation. I don't want people to think my views are heterodox or controversial (in fact, so many of the things I believe that used to scare people are becoming "normal"). It is my hope that we are on our way to such mainstream acceptance of the ideals of the emerging church (in all its forms) that the term no longer means anything. It is just the church... and it has many forms. And that is okay, because there is no real “threat” to the Gospel, Jesus or God, if those things are big enough to handle ALL of our ridiculous ideas from all sides.

In my little world, Tony’s ideas are part of the conversation and not radical (in any definition of that world). Andrew’s ideas are part of the bigger normal also, as are Brian McLaren's, Mark Driscoll’s, Julie Clawson’s, Jim Belcher’s, Soong-Chan Rah’s, Ed Stetzer’, Patrol Magazine’s, Relevant’s, the Ecclesia Network’s, the Origins Project’s, Emergent Village's, Acts 29’s and others. In my view of the world, none of them are threats to the other, or Christianity.*

They just ARE part of the bigger picture of Christianity, emerging and hopefully emerged, even if I find some of the ideas wrong, simplistic, bothersome, lacking in proper progressiveness or too far out there.** I want a church in which Agonistic Christians that love who they think Jesus may be are part of the same bigger tent that readers of the King James only and snake handlers are part of. Listen, you may think I am just some wishy-washy Liberal, but I have my beliefs about who God and Jesus are, how to interpret the Bible and what happens when we die. I can argue them and I THINK I am right, much of the time. But, my view that I am a ridiculous narcissist, wrong more often than I am right (and you are too), colors all of this and allows me to live in a very big tent.

So, to kill the Emerging Church, just let them in. Don't worry, they won't destroy anything big enough to follow. Then a new Emerging Church can come along and tell us what we are doing wrong and how we need to change and emerge.

Death to the Emerging Church (semantically)! Long Live an Emerged Church (semantically)!

and let our kids create a new emerging church in 20 years, after we have screwed this one up:)

*of course in my view of the world: The Cardinals were robbed of their rightful Super Bowl win last year, global warming exists, there were no Weapons of Mass Destruction, people should not die or go broke because they sick, Ted Kennedy and Ronald Reagan are pretty decent guys, a person’s sexuality doesn’t really matter to anyone else, all political correctness sucks, Jesus and his teachings are worth following, and people are valued, whether unborn, male, female, straight, gay, rich, poor, dying, young, old, American, Afghani, Christian, Jewish, Muslim or Pagan. So take all of this with a grain of salt.

** this can be a stretch for me, especially with my views on the atheological consumerism of the seeker church, the political dangers of dispensational premillenialism and other apocalyptic beliefs, the evils of health and wealth and other streams of Christianity I just don't like or find damaging.

An Obituary for the Emerging Church

The Emerging Church, A Controversial movement inspiring many the past 10 years, Dies at 21

MINNEAPOLIS — The Emerging Church, the controversial Christian movement that inspired many to plant churches, leave behind their faith and question authority, died in her sleep Thursday following a short illness. She was 21 (according to some sources).

The cause was cardiac arrest, according to spokesperson Steve Knight. According to police, foul play and suicide have not been ruled out at this time. According to person of interest, Andrew Jones, she was ready to die and beyond any life-saving treatment.

Mrs. Church was the “reason for the failure of many church institutions and the paved the road to Hell with good intentions”, according to critic Ken Silva. While she has many enemies in established and institutional churches, many of whom were distant relatives, according to supporters, Mrs. Church was instrumental in the advent of many advances in the Christian church, including facial hair, tattoos, fair trade coffee, candles, couches in sanctuaries, distortion pedals, Rated R movie discussions, clove cigarettes and cigars, beer and use of Macs, as well as the advancement of women’s issues, conversations about sexuality, environmentalism, anti-foundationalism, social justice and the demise of the Republican party's stranglehold on young Christians.

However, according to Post-Emergent spokesperson Rick Bennett, these advancements never included taste in film and music, with Mrs. Church always thinking Coldplay, and anything that sounded like it was 70’s soft rock was edgy, “I think she was drawn to anything with nebulous spirituality that sounded kinda like the worship music she grew up on, plus she was enamored with overblown pabulum like LOST, Heroes and 24 or pseudo-philosophy like the Matrix. Give me a break, she couldn’t tell Truffaut from Fellini.”

Controversies on Gay Marriage and the ordination of Homosexuals caused many stresses in her life, leading to a downturn in her health.

Mrs. Church, who began her career as at a gathering of young white, mostly American and predominately male church leaders in New Mexico in 1998, had been recently spending time in Africa with friend Brian McLaren, attempting to apologize for Colonialism. She was also attempting to gather women and people of color in an attempt to reconcile her past to her vision for the future of the church.

She is survived by her parents, the Seeker Church, and Sojourners; her paternal grandmother, the former Deconstructionism, now Postmodernity; her maternal grandmother, French Nihilism and her paternal great-grandparents, the Social Gospel and Fundamentalism. Her paternal grandfather, the Jesus Movement died months before her birth. Her paternal grandmother, Evangelicalism died in 2009. She is also survived by sister House Church movement and brother New Monastacism. She is also survived by two sons, Presbymergent and Something-in-Europe People Say is Relevant; and 10 grandchildren (that won’t scare your grandparents), along with ex-husbands Mark Driscoll and the Origins Movement.

Emerging Church was born on January 1, 1989, in New Zealand. Her family moved, when she was a child, to the United States. She traveled much, taking up residence in Dallas, TX, Pasadena, CA, Spencerville, MD and the Minneapolis area. Her father, the child of California’s Jesus Movement lived primarily in the Chicago suburbs, while her mother lived in Washington, DC with boyfriend the Democratic Party. Her parents have since reconciled.

Mrs. Church’s growing frustration with her father’s church and grandparent’s theology started her on a journey that ultimately led to her death. “I will change Christianity if it kills me in the process,” she was famous for saying, long before she spent summers camping with Fundamentalists in the woods, hoping to understand their fascination with propositional statements and rules.

“Personally, I think one of those danged Fundamentalists attacked her and ate her when she wasn’t looking,” says friend Karen Ward of Seattle. “You should look at Andrew Jones and make sure he has no bottles of sleeping pills in his possession,” says Mike Morrell of Atlanta. Josh Brown, Ryan Sharpe and Becky Garrison told me that they thought she was already dead.

Not surprisingly, in today’s celebrity culture, some of her friends and followers have set up vigils protesting the news of her death. Close personal friend, Tony Jones tells anyone still listening; “now I don’t want to get all Tupac, or Elvis on anyone, but she isn’t dead. Her demise is a ploy by her enemies to destroy her credibility and the credibility of those who work on her behalf. She is alive and well, but probably being held hostage by John Piper. I have sources that tell me she was last seen in downtown Minneapolis near Bethlehem Church, in a blizzard I am sure Piper will say was caused by her friends, the Gays. I am sure the body they have is a double found at a local morgue.” As of now, he is the spokesman for what could be a large contingent of possible conspiracy theorists demanding more answers. Some have called this group Emergent Truthers.

Mrs. Church’s influence will be debated for years to come. Details of her death have not yet been released. Funeral arrangements are in the planning stages.

Andrew Jones, wanted for questioning in the death of the Emerging Church

Andrew Jones, AKA “Tall Skinny Kiwi” is a person of interest in the possible death of The Emerging Church. He is wanted by the Minneapolis Police Department for questioning. “This is merely a discussion,” says Police Spokesperson Frank O’Reilly. “We are not ruling out natural causes, but due to some public statements on the part of Mr. Jones, we would like the opportunity to talk to him in our office, with his lawyer present.”

Mr. Jones, a native of New Zealand (and not a personal friend of Peter Jackson, apparently the only Kiwi that doesn’t actually know Mr. Jackson and has not worked for Jackson), was last seen in Europe with his family. Jones has no fixed address, but considers himself a friend of the Emerging Church. In fact, through public statements he has intimated his presence at the birth (or conception) of the Church. At this time it is unknown if Mr. Jones is related to the church (some say he is a parent) or was a doctor in the room at the time of its birth.

Mrs. Church, born in 1989, had many enemies and was rumored to have been suffering from a possible terminal illness. However, close friend Tony Jones of Edina, states that Mrs. Church was in fact only suffering from frayed nerves brought on by the stress of the impending divorce with The Origins Project. He said, “She was not feeling well, but I do not believe The Emerging Church was needing anything besides rest. In fact, should any foul play be found, I think there are other suspects in the case, including the Southern Baptist Convention and any of John Piper’s followers. However, I think she is not really dead. In fact, I think this report is premature. Yes, it seems as if someone has drugged her and left her for dead, but she will recover. I must believe that.”

Tony Jones, who is not related to Andrew Jones, but describes himself as a friend of Andrew, says that he is worried about Andrew Jones, who has had to live in multiple worlds for too long. “Eventually the stress may have gotten to him,” says Tony Jones, "In fact, while I don’t want to implicate him in anything unsavory, if anything has happened to the Emerging Church, I would look at Andrew as a suspect in a possible misguided mercy killing.”

Reached for comment, a lawyer for Andrew Jones stated, "my client would not participate in a mercy killing. In fact, he has very, very orthodox opinions on such issues. He is completely against euthanasia. In fact, he believes exactly what he is supposed to believe on all issues related to orthodoxy. Really. He does. However, Andrew did state to me that he was concerned for the life of the Emerging Church. Anything you have read from him is merely his attempt to show his love for a relative.”

Mr. Jones was last seen in with his family. He is very white and very tall. If you have any information related to his whereabouts, please contact the Minneapolis Police Department or Interpol.

Emerging Church rushed to Local Hospital

Minneapolis, MN- Contradictory reports are coming in. However, according to TMZ and Perez Hilton, the Emerging Church was rushed to an area hospital with cardiac arrest. Mrs. Church had been suffering from undisclosed illnesses in the recent past.

Although seeming to be older, she is merely 20 years old. Friend Tony Jones of Edina says the reports are erroneous and that The Emerging Church is alive and well, "maybe it was the Seeker Sensitive Church that was taken to the hospital, that thing has been on its last legs for 10 years."

Update- Reports from EMTs say the Church has died.

Drive By Truckers: The CNN of the Working Class (Music School with DJ Word)

The kind folks at Generate Magazine allowed a friend to write 2 article for their wonderful new magazine. The first, a review of Derek Webb's latest, is below. The second article was a reworking of something printed on this blog months ago, a critical assessment of why Drive-By Truckers should be listened to by all. It follows my thinking that we must listen to the artistic expressions and voices of those easily dismissed by those in power, or by those we respect. My thoughts are that in this brave new world of bad economy, the voices of the poor rural white underclass need to be listened to and taken seriously, especially by progressives and progressives Christians.

We need to listen to first person stories, not just stories about a group of people. According to Nigerian Novelist Chimamanda Adichie, these stories mitigate the dangers of a single story and stereotyping of a people group, whether they are African or Rural South. As she eloquently puts it, the problem with stereotypes are not that they are wrong, but that they are incomplete.

Anyway, here is that article from Generate. Please take the chance to head over to their website and say kind things (and subscribe).

Drive By Truckers: The CNN of the Working Class

What does a band that expresses the moralist therapeutic deism of disenfranchised Southern white poor people through loud country-influenced Southern Rock have to teach a group of so-called, ‘well-educated followers of God in the way of Jesus’ about life? Everything.

As I have thought of emerging churches and the recession, I have noticed one of the weaknesses of this movement. In some ways I would agree with those claiming that Emergent is a group of elitists (I being one). It is Elitists ministering to other elitists and the poor. However, we are not presently part of the middle ground, with answers for the working poor, the working class, or the blue collar—the people of my heritage from whom I ran when I got educated. Ironically, this is a place the modern church, especially the fundamentalist church, is speaking to.

I think this is incredibly important because those who may have considered themselves elites, or at least educated white collars, are recently beginning to experience parts of life from a working class/blue collar/working poor perspective. As our churches, neighborhoods, and families continue in this direction, how do we respond? When the problems of the inner city, rural America, and "trailer park" become the problems of the suburbs, new-urbanites, and upwardly mobile members of society, does the Emerging church hold any hope beyond our theological discussions, told-you-so attitude, and artistic expressions?

What does the recession have to do with music and the emerging church? While I am intentionally generalizing, I think the emerging church has a blind spot regarding the working-class and blue-collar crowd that we must address for this movement to participate in the future of the church. Our participation must move beyond “strategies for elites helping the poor” into joining and learning from those experiencing poverty. To do this, we must first listen to the stories of the lower middle class. It is my contention that the stories, issues, and problems of those in rural America, trailer parks, and ghettos will become the problems of the middle class, suburbanites, and leveraged upwardly mobile very soon (especially in the South and places where the line of demarcation between the classes is tenuous at best and the recession is causing severe strain). I’m not saying here that “we’re all poor in our own special way” but that poverty, has long been a reality as opposed to a cause, and this reality is blending into the lives of more and more people, so we need to learn from the stories of the poor and not just “combat” poverty.

Drive-By Truckers (DBT) is telling the stories of those middle American trying to survive when life has not worked out as well as it should have, mixed with a bit of religion (good and bad). While folk and country have the ability to tell such stories, I do not think the present-day manifestations are doing a good enough job. Too much folk music is cerebral and whiny, while much of today's country music revels in an unhealthy lifestyle and glorifies it (the same complaint some have with rap) without maintaining the journalistic distance or self-examination of previous incarnations. I believe this is due to marketing forces. Self-reflection is seen as weak, and people may not want to buy it—so we give fake nostalgia instead, the longing for a life we never experienced (see Tim McGraw, son of a professional ball player). This is fine on Saturday night but not helpful as a work of art to illuminate.

DBT is a prime example of a band that illuminates and tells the story of a people. Like Chuck D calling hip-hop the "CNN of the ghetto," DBT mine the depths of the southern experience, in a sometimes crass but always compelling manner. In fact, they understand this, giving themselves a name that conjures up the Inner City and South at once, naming an album The Dirty South, a term for a specific rap subgenre from Atlanta, and using the same subject matter as rap, albeit from a distinctly white southern point of view, in songs like "Wife Beater," "Aftermath USA," and "Too Much Sex (Too Little Jesus)."

A cursory examination of their lyrics reveals that this is not typical country music (if you have not heard them, imagine a combination of Lynyrd Skynyrd and REM, or The Replacements and Waylon Jennings). This is a CNN of the poor rural south, and I think it is becoming more relevant to the rest of the country and to those ministered to by churches throughout America (I would also say that inner city, mostly African American churches need to listen to rap—but many of their ministers understand this). It is hidden by those in our communities, but it is the heritage of many who are recovering fundamentalists in emerging churches, who are angry at the church (some of whom still attend), who are burdened with serious guilt, and who are trying to survive along the righteous path of good living (as DBT eloquently state in a song).

Get started with DBT’s latest album, Brighter than Creation’s Dark, with highlights including “The Righteous Path,” in which singer Patterson Hood takes on the persona of the everyday suburbanite with too much baggage keeping him down as he tries to live an ordinary life of righteousness with a God he does not understand ("I don't know God, but I fear his wrath") and bills he can’t pay (“more bills than money, I can do the math/I’m trying to keep focused on the righteous path”). On the breathtaking “2 Daughters and a Beautiful Wife,” he gives us a glimpse of heaven rooted in love for his family and a desire to spend eternity with them, more than any “orthodox” understanding of life after death. In doing so, he accomplishes a more honest confession of the actual beliefs of people and what brings them comfort without theological niceties.

Next up, head over to The Dirty South with “Putting People on the Moon,” which expresses the anger and frustration of working hard and having no money as others succeed and life continues on a downward spiral. It is written about the Reagan era but holds a message for today.

By no means their best album, Southern Rock Opera is the best distillation of the “duality of the Southern Thing” ever expressed artistically. DBT does not glorify the experience as much as it desires to walk a mile in the shoes of others and tell their side of the story, even if is hard to hear.

Can those of us who consider ourselves enlightened, nuanced, and progressive see the nuance of the struggling protagonists of the songs of these bands, those trying to live a righteous but entangled life amid the bad decisions and poor role models of their present situations? For all of our rhetoric about “missional” and “emerging” if we cannot walk in the shoes of such folk, we will be of little good to anyone beyond ourselves.