Monday, July 10, 2006

my favorite Scientologists

Let us see if the Scientologists stop this post once more.

In honor of their constant presence in the Tampa Bay community, along with their expansion into my neighborhood (Seminole Heights) and the rural suburbs (Plant City), I would like to take this opportunity to announce my Top 10 Favorite Scientologists. While some of you may be fans of the Big Name Scientos like Cruise, Holmes, Travolta, Hayes and Alley), I am particularly fond of some of the lesser known adherents.

10. Lisa Marie Presley
proof Scientologists don't need outside help or therapy to be well grounded

9. Sonny Bono (deceased)
hopefully he has ascended to Operating Thetan status

8. Geoffrey Lewis (father of Juliette Lewis- not on this list)
my favorite Scientology role is the KKK Leader in Fletch Lives (notice how many roles he has in films by other Scientologists)

7. Priscilla Presley
Spending Elvis' $ on Auditing

6. Giovanni Ribisi
comes from the Italian Catholic Scientologist Clan

5. Paul Haggis (director of Crash)
at least we know how his mediocre film won an Oscar

4. Doug E. Fresh
rapping about its virtues

3. Ethan Suplee
needing to clear his body of Thetans

2. Beck
but Scientologists are not Losers. They are the winners.

1. Jason Lee
explaining the intricacies of engrams and clearing to mortal souls on MNIE

Check out Scientology's own Celebrity Center. Now, why haven't the Baptists done this yet?

Those celebs barley missing the cut (usually because I could not find a picture I wanted) include the Voice of Bart Simpson (Nancy Cartwright) Chaka Kahn and Edgar Winter. All references to Scientologists come from assorted sources, including Wikipedia's list and


g13 said...

dude, are ethan suplee and jason lee really scientologists? tell me this is not makes me want to to throw up.

Alex F said...

I think this is one of your best posts. Funny list and commentary on each person.