1. Sarah Palin wins debate using knowledge from Snapple Cap Facts.
2. Bill Clinton endorses Obama.
3. In an effort to appear younger and more hip, John McCain releases a sex ''talkie.''
4. Oak leaves suspend color-turning campaign until financial crisis is resolved. Urge maple leaves to do the same.
5. Sarah Palin turns out to have an embarrassing Ivy League-educated, immensely qualified sibling.
6. Lindsay Lohan goes back to dudes.
7. Osama bin Laden walks into Wasilla, Alaska police station to turn self in. Says, ''I would have been here sooner if you had a decent bridge.''
8. October admits it’s actually January. Election starts all over again.