Thursday, June 02, 2005

I support everything and everybody

Realizing I was unable to buy anything without potentially offending a fellowship of boycotting true believers, I attempted to make my way to the local organic store (local, since Whole Foods is corporate/ organic since I am not harming anything) for some provisions (nothing made from animal, owned by gays or a tobacco company, advertising on Desperate Housewives, doing business with Sudan). How would I get there was beyond me? I could not drive a Ford or frequent an ExxonMobile. Oh, I own a Nissan. I thought I may be safe momentarily (as long as I refrained from perusing the internet only to find out Nissan was now owned by a group of Burmese animal abusing homosexuals which is a subsidiary of a tobacco company from France- ignorance is bliss).

Not wanting to offend anyone and wanting to support everything and everyone, I put on my numerous mulitcolored silicone wristbands. However, on my way to the car both of my shoulders were separated because of the weight of my support. I did not know what to do? Do I remove my armbands? If I do, how would any one know that I support the One Campaign to Make Poverty History (white), cancer research (the classic yellow), saving Darfur (green), fighting racism (ebony and ivory living together in harmony), breast cancer awareness (pink), autism research (multi-colored puzzle pieces), research into the prevention of blindness (clear with Braille letters), our troops (red, white and blue or camo or yellow), tsunami relief (blue and white- kinda like a wave), leukemia research (orange), peace on earth and in the middle east (tie-dyed or white), gays in the military or in general (rainbow), stopping domestic violence (purple), AIDS (red), ending child abuse (blue), and the curing of cystic fibrosis (another purple). Of course, that is just my left arm (I had more, but blacked out while due to color over-exposure).

My right-arm was dedicated to faith-based wristbands to properly witness to the world around me because words and actions are sometimes just-not-enough. People must know I am a Christian by my arms, by my arms- yes, they will know I am a Christian by my arms. My right arm let people know that I; cared WWJD (maroon), I live my purpose (green), think about JesusÂ? blood (red, of course), am a testimony (green), know Â?He is risenÂ? (white), live pure (more white), will live forever (blue and white), wait for my true love (burgundy), believe in faith, hope and love (pink), know a gospel presentation (multi-colored- but not rainbow), fully rely on God (FROG on green), depend on God (DOG on blue) and pray for the troops (camo with a cross).

Upon realizing I could not drive myself to the hospital, I asked Kristi. On the way, we had a wreck because she could not see out of my windows, which were covered with ribbon stickers designating all the things I believe and support (pray for troops, support troops, God bless America, One nation under God, a cross- all on yellow or red, white and blue ribbons, along with ribbons for cancer research, autism research, POWS, stopping child abuse, AIDS, heart disease and adoption) - so everyone knows exactly where I stand on every issue. It stinks though- now I have to buy all the stickers again when I get a new car.

2 comments:

Ryan Lee Sharp said...

And they will know that we are Christians by our arms, by our arms, yes they'll know that we are Christians by our arms...

Wow, that scary. I bet that's how they know that they are Christians in Iraq... by their arms, by their arms...

rudy said...

er, uh...

i see you may have missed the memo:

Ethical Wristbands made with slave labor

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/05/29/nwrist29.xml&sSheet=/news/2005/05/29/ixhome.html