Saturday, October 22, 2005

The NBA's dress like Rich White Guys Dress Code

If I were an NBA player, I would not only be a inadequately skilled, bench sitting, short white guy; I would also be quite pissed at David Stern's dress code.

Sure, the NBA players complaining about racism and the need for stipends are engaging in the same hyperbole the useless talk radio hosts use daily to supplant the need for intelligent discourse and debate over policy with overheated words and images useful for nothing more than firing up the base and pissing of the people that would never listen anyway.

But, is there merit in their argument? Yes. The reason Stern made this decision (and don't get me freakin' started on that sycophantic despot) was to engage the white corporate types who ruined the game anyway with their high priced box seats, keeping lower and middle class fans from seeing their heroes on anything more than a TV screen. He waits to unveil his latest hypocritical rule until the season is just about to start. Any good business guru knows this is not the way to bring about change (but, what Stern wants, Stern gets).

Is it racist? Probably not (even though it is interesting that the dress code is based upon a very white "business casual" understanding of fashion). Is it lacking in any type of cultural understanding of the very players that pay his salary? Heck Yes. Would it be nice to see less bling on the sidelines? Sure it would- Oh, and yeah, the cretins in the NBA who don't wear business casual are ruining our nation. Sure. Tim Duncan is a horrible role model for my son simply because he wears a dress shirt untucked (he is from the Caribbean- he has probably never wore a sport coat- THAT IS WHY YOU PLAY SPORTS FOR A LIVING- So you don't have to dress like a 9-5 White Banker and abide by their arbitrary rules). Will this dress code change anything? No. To quote from the greatest Basketball player to come along since MJ (the aforementioned Tim Duncan) and best role model the NBA (or any sport) could ever hope for, "This policy is retarded."

Sure the player's union could have been consulted. But, that would take other's into consideration. Or even more simply, why don't they let the teams decide their own dress codes. It works for the Yankees. Everyone has to get rid of their facial hair and clean up their image, but everyone wants to work there. As for me, if I had to abide by their reckless rule change based upon marketing to the wrong demographic, I would do it. I would find the most hideous fabrics known to mankind and have a tailor prepare these as suits. In fact, I might even come to work dressed as a clown (tie, suit jacket, tucked in shirt) on certain days. Hopefully these guys will take the opportunity to beat Stern at his own game by wearing embarrassingly tacky business casual.

my first suit would be made of this wonderful material

*maybe next we should see if the Music Industry can start making these rock star dress more corporate so they can be better role models and more presentable to the white suits that pay their salaries.

3 comments:

Dustin said...

are you kidding? I can't wait to see Allen Iverson in a suit! Bring on the dress code!

ER said...

It does add a dimension of entertainment to the sidelines other than the pathetic posturing of stars to get courtside.

Dustin said...

Simmons answered this well as always if you haven't already seen this.

1. Why did the NBA institute a dress code?
Because David Stern is a genius, that's why. During the busiest sports month of the year (October), the NBA managed to steal mainstream media attention away from the baseball playoffs, the NFL season, college football, the NHL, "Survivor," "Amazing Race," the debut of the "Adam Carolla Project" on TLC, Franz Ferdinand's new album, Kate and Tom's immaculate conception, the first photos of the Federline-Spears baby, Jimmy Snuka's triumphant return to the WWE ... you name it, the NBA dress code overshadowed it. You couldn't ask for better publicity heading into a season.

Which brings me to my point: They could have announced this decision in July, August or September. Instead, they waited until October ... as if they didn't know it would turn into a racial issue (what isn't a racial issue at this point?), or that some players would react poorly, or that millionaire dopes like Marcus Camby would demand a stipend for new clothes, or that Cuban would dress like a homeless man in retaliation. Come on. It was brilliant, it worked, it got people talking and it's just another reason why David Stern should be running the country some day.

(Imagine Stern as president after the New Orleans debacle? You know he would have come up with some convoluted way to knock FEMA off the front pages, something like "President Stern announced today that members of Congress would have to wear white wigs when they were in session like everyone did back in the late-1700s, explaining, 'It's time this country went back to its roots. ... what, you have a problem with America celebrating its roots?'")