Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Press Statement from Mark Driscoll concerning his Steroid Usage

I have just intercepted this press release from 2015.

Statement to Members of the Press

From Mars Hill Church, Seattle, Washington. (January 12, 2015).

Due to rumors surrounding the use of performance enhancing drugs among pastors during the past 2 decades, the elders of Mars Hill Church, including Pastor Emeritus Mark Driscoll, have chosen to address this issue at this time.

From Pastor Mark:

“Now that I have retired from the pastorate to become Commissioner of Ultimate Christian Fighting®, an organization I started with the leaders of Acts 29 in 2011 to introduce young men to a more muscular version of Christianity, I have the chance to do something that I wish I was able to do a few years ago.

I never knew when, but I always knew this day would come. It's time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected. I used steroids during my preaching career and I apologize. Now, understand, I never used steroids personally and never consumed them in my body. My body is the product of good genes, hours in a gym, beer and naturally high levels of testosterone (I have stated before and will continue to state that Jesus had the highest levels of testosterone in human history). The steroids I used were injected directly into 3 areas; 1) My Bible, 2) The Gospel itself, 3) My preaching and writing.

I remember trying steroids very briefly in the 1996 church planting assessments in my preaching only and then after I saw how disturbingly wimpy emerging Christianity was becoming in 1999, I used steroids again, this time directly infusing my Bible with them. I used them on regularly throughout the Aughts, including during the days surrounding controversies with other preachers when I questioned their sexuality. My statement surrounding the fact that I could not follow a Jesus I could beat up was influenced by a steroid influenced Gospel, as was my preaching, teaching and commentary related to sex, sexuality and women’s issues. My Bible was completely addicted to these unnaturally high levels of testosterone.

While steroids have been rumored in the areas of my preaching directly related to my usage of harsh language and profanity before my repentance of such childishness, I would like to remind readers of this statement I am Irish and I did watch a lot of Chris Rock.

I wish I had never preached a steroid influenced Gospel. It was foolish and it was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never pastored during the steroid era. I watched as many good pastors and theologians decided to emasculate Jesus and turn him into our sissified best friend. I saw liberal theology seeping into the pores of our schools and the young men becoming preachers. I saw God turned into a servant for our desires and a Gospel that no longer took sin seriously. Because of that, I turned to steroids. I am embarrassed for what I did, but my heart was as pure as the heart of a reformed person, sinful at birth and dead in that sin, although saved by grace alone can be (TULIP still rocks!).

Preaching is really different now -- it's been cleaned up. God and the theological unions implemented testing and they cracked down, and I'm glad they did. I'm grateful to the elders of Mars Hill and the board of directors at Ultimate Christian Fighting® for testing my Gospel and Biblical understanding, as well as my old sermon streams (can you believe people still use youtube?) before confronting me. Yes, there was outside pressure, which I usually ignore. But, my mentors would not let it go. It is nice, as I get older to walk into a church and not need to worry about the language of the pastor, whether or not he will goop (so much better than tweeting, hah) in 25 characters some insult towards others, and not have the ladies of my life insulted.

I do need to apologize to many of the young men that followed me on twitter, watched and listened to my sermons, came to Acts 29 events and worshiped my church and its teachings. They decided that they could do everything that I did. I truly believe that many people were hurt by their reckless usage of a steroid influenced gospel. In fact, I did not know that these followers were so immature that they would merely copy me without using their own brains. I should have been a better role model. They should have not been working their own anger issues out in front of their churches. This morning via conference tweet I spoke to many of those young men I have influenced throughout the years through my preaching and teaching of a steroid influenced Gospel. They were noticeably upset. As they are tested, please be gentler on them than they were on their congregations.

I want to say thank you to John Piper for always giving me a hard time about my Gospel testosterone levels, to my children (girls included), wife, and to my Acts 29 teammates. I want to make sure wives know that they do not need to be hot and keep up to magazine standards to keep their husbands from straying (although it does help) and you don’t have to do absolutely anything your husband wants you to do sexually. I also want people to know Jesus does have a sensitive side also. However, it is still a sin to drink lite beer.

After all this time, I want to come clean. I was not in a position to do that five years ago in my interviews with Christianity Today, but now I feel an obligation to discuss this and to answer questions about it.

I'll do that, and then I just want to help my team."

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT: XXXXXXXXXXXXX

PHONE: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Date of release: January 12, 2015

Caveat: note to followers of Mark Driscoll and others that take themselves and their fiefdoms way too seriously, please note that I just made fun of your enemy (the Emerging Church). I make fun of things. It is what I do. I know Mark. We have had good times together in the past, usually surrounding mutual loves of Jesus, baseball, cigars and beer. I doubt he would be offended by my gentle poking.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rick,

would you, could you on a train in the rain, recommend an Acts 29 church to anyone? Did I ever tell you thanks for telling us about the Acts 29 church in TX? While initially engaged by the Osteen-phobic exegesis, we ended up wasting a couple years of our lives while I tried to figure out why I was uncomfortable feeling uncorfortable. Why was the church made up of mostly young folks who seemed to lack direction? Why didn't the visitors who were middle age and older ever return?

Finally realized the leadership, while loving Jesus, had few qualities that reflected the character of Jesus. The 'yes sir, I want to be like you' manly elders were man enough to want to be like the pastor but never man enough to provide accountability. However, the pastor was juiced enough to market his church growth class without mentioning the Holy Spirit. I seem to remember something like 'Church growth 90x'. However, I might be getting that confused with other infomercials that were running at the same time.
I really enjoyed the satirical apology. Listening to that Driscoll sermon online last year actually made me feel sorry for the Acts 29 Mark juniors.

Go Lakers. Yes I saw the score tonight. Save it for the playoffs, my friend.

Dan

camcorbet said...

man i am glad i found this blog. i enjoy your satire brother. we all need to laugh at ourselves from time to time. thanks for the great medicine man.

Ian Packer said...

Wonderful satire!

PC said...

looooved it!