Ed Young Jr. Offers Private Plane and Makeover to Shane Claiborne

Ed Young Jr. Offers Private Plane and Makeover to Shane Claiborne

GRAPEVINE, TX- In an apparent attempt to forestall criticism directed towards his lavish lifestyle, Ed Young, Jr., pastor of The Fellowship Church with video and live action campuses throughout the Dallas Metroplex and in Miami, FL has offered use of his private jet to Shane Claiborne of Philadelphia’s Simple Way.

Speaking to reporters outside his mansion, Young said, “While some may not believe it, I think the message of following Christ simply and a simple living lifestyle is correct theologically. I mean, I usually don’t discuss theology because it can be controversial, but Shane’s message is powerful and it needs to be shared. It is how our family follows Christ. In fact, I had my housekeeper install Energy Star light bulbs throughout the house (and that is a lot of bulbs). That said, I have a plan to get his message to others.”

Young’s plan, which was hatched by Young’s personal business, Creative Pastor, will be available for purchase in the next week. The plan includes personal use for Shane Claiborne and his associates to use the Dessault Falcon 50 Private Jet given to Young and Fellowship Church by an area business man. While the plane has been the source of controversy during the past few weeks, after its discovery by a Dallas reporter, Young wants it to be used for more than his required trips to Mexico, Miami and the Bahamas for church planting and spiritual formation retreats. Continuing, Young declared, “What better way to get Shane’s message to the masses that to allow him to fly around the country to share his message. By using my plane, he will be able to get back to the poor of Philadelphia much quicker than flying commercial.”

Other pieces of Young’s SIMPLY LIVING SIMPLY strategy, available for purchase next week on www.creativepastors.com include, 1) a makeover for Claiborne because Young feels “more people at places like Fellowship of Grapevine would listen more intently to Shane’s message if he cleaned himself up and dressed nicer. I have many shirts in my wardrobe I will be offering to his ministry. We are both tall and he will like them. I will have my personal assistant and beautician contact Shane this week”, 2) an emphasis on hiring 1 homeless person in each business represented by a member of Young’s church, 3) an initiative by Fellowship Church to plant video venues in Shane’s neighborhood in Philadelphia plus video venues in other areas where homeless people congregate. Says Young, “I think the creative message of our videos would inspire homeless men and women to take life by the reigns and accomplish something great for God. I think the way I lay out a sermon simply with no theology or depth will appeal to the needs of that community,” and lastly 4) a sermon series complete with church motifs for sale on Young’s website which includes a wonderful backdrop that will allow any church stage to look like the area under an overpass. Metal drums are not included.

Young finished his press conference by sharing, “I am very excited about this endeavor and cannot wait to present this to Shane. We are trying to work out a time to bring Shane to Dallas, on my private plane. As of now, Shane has not been reached due to extenuating circumstances. I may sweeten the deal by setting up a spot in our game room for homeless simulation, but I need to confirm that with my wife. She wants us to build a place in the country for that.”

Reached for comment, Shane Claiborne said Mr. Young is welcome to come hang out in Philadelphia for a weekend, as long as he flies commercial.

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update: apparently I rode the line between fact and fiction too closely on this post. This is satire based upon some things involving reporting of a "lavish" lifestyle of Ed Young Jr. by a news outlet. This included a private jet, mansion and large salary. I do think this is how Shane would react to it.

What Famous People Are Giving Up for Lent

Through investigative tactics perfected by the CIA, I have accessed the private Lenten commitments of many famous folks, including political, religious and entertainment celebrities. Here is a list of things given up for Lent by people you have heard of:

Political
Barack Obama- Health Care Reform
Dick Cheney- Relevance
John Boehner (House Minority Leader)- Saying Yes to Anything the President asks
Sarah Palin- Presidential hopes
Republican Leaders- Usefulness to the Political process
The American people- Affordable health care, like other developed countries
Tea Partiers- Keeping up appearances that they are not actually angry Republicans
Glen Beck- Sanity
Jon Stewart- Any faith he had in the American people
Keith Olbermann- Any goodwill gathered during his tenure on Sports Center
Rush Limbaugh- Truth
Rahm Emmanuel- His job
Scott Brown- His designation as Sexiest Massachusetts State Senator (but he hopes to pick up the designation of US Senate’s sexiest Senator after Easter)
John Edwards- His marriage
Mark Sanford- Not talking about the “love” of his life

Religious Leaders
Mark Driscoll- His desire to be the John Mayer of Christianity
John Piper- His obvious man-crush on Pat Robertson
Andrew Jones- Emergent
Brian McLaren- Orthodox Theology
Doug Pagitt- Augustine
Rob Bell- belief that Grand Rapids is a nice place to live
Don Miller- The hopes his film will ever be made
Jim Wallis- References to Self in all written communication
Ed Young, Jr.- Modesty
Pat Robertson- Shutting Up
Everyone else- Not listening to anything Pat Robertson says

Entertainment and Sports
Tiger Woods- pursuit of Jack Nicklaus’ golf records/ endorsements
John Mayer- twitter and interviews (also racist and sexist statements)
Kanye West- CAPITAL LETTERS (or is he giving up lowercase letters. It was illegible)
Peyton Manning- believing he will have as many Super Bowl rings as Tom Brady
Tom Brady- the belief he will ever get to another Super Bowl
Taylor Swift- Auto-tune
Lil Wayne- Freedom
Jeff Bridges- His designation as America’s most underrated and under-appreciated actor, along with his designation as the best actor without an Oscar.

Things No One Wants You To Give Up for Lent

as you look at your lenten options, please consider marking these off your list. These are the Things No One Else Wants You To Give Up for Lent

1. Showering
2. Wearing Clothes
3. Brushing Your Teeth
4. Listening
5. Cleaning Your House
6. Using Kleenex when blowing your nose
7. Following Street Signs
8. Taking Your Meds
9. Your faith in humanity
10. Reading their Blog, Facebook status or tweets

Easiest Things to Give up For Lent

As part of my service to the community reading my blog, it is my hope to help you with practical advice.

In case you do not have an idea of what to give up for lent, but need one, consult the list below. It is helpful for those wanting to seem spiritual by engaging in the lenten practice of giving something up, but not looking to actually sacrifice anything. It can help you impress super-spiritual people.

Easiest Things To Give Up for Lent

1. Dog Fighting
2. Gang Banging
3. Cougar Town
4. Watching Football
5. Following Charlie Crist's (governor of Florida) political career
6. Keeping track of Health Care Reform and the Democratic majority
7. Ice Dancing
8. Swimming with Sharks/ Running with Rats
9. Listening to Advice from parents

10. Taking anything John Mayer, Kanye West or Glen Beck says seriously

Least Popular Things To Give Up For Lent

Least Popular Things to Give Up for Lent

1. Water
2. Clothes
3. Sex (for singles only)
4. Self-censoring (John Mayer Celebrity edition)
5. Talking
6. Living
7. Sleep
8. Sexting (for teenagers and elderly only)
9. Not texting or giving status updates while driving
10. Paying attention to those celebrity and weight loss magazines in the checkout lane at the grocery store

What Bono is Giving Up for Lent (lenten redux)

since tomorrow is the beginning of lent, I thought I would bring back some of my Lent postings from past years, along with some newer thoughts on Lent for your enrichment. Here is my posting from 2 years ago on what Bono is giving up for lent (original post):

What Bono is Giving Up for Lent

1. Wild Horse Riding
2. Getting stuck in moments he is unable to get out of
3. Running to a stand still
4. Finding what he is looking for
5. Holding me, Thrilling me, Kissing me, Killing me
6. Looking for Nameless Streets
7. His desire
8. Making it on his own
9. Waking up dead men
10. Walking on

Super Bowl as Directed by...

if you like football and film, this is for you. I know there are few people that care about Bart Starr and Werner Herzog, but for them, enjoy.

Cold War Kids "Audience"

if you don't like the latest from Cold War Kids, I offer my condolences to your dead dark musical heart. Enjoy!

Cold War Kids, "Audience Of One" from Vern Moen on Vimeo.

Academy Award Nominations 2010- my Oscar thoughts

The 2010 Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced Oscar nominations earlier today. See here.

If I did not give you my thoughts on the Academy Awards, the only major award I feel has any credence, you would be disappointed. While the Grammy’s have become a complete joke over the years, only propping up the fading music industry’s few remaining top-sellers, with an occasional original artist relegated to winning in something as obscure as the “best contemporary folk” or “best alternative,” the Oscars still have some credibility.

Sure, more often than not the best film of the year does not win. However, the independent cinema does get noticed regularly, especially in screenwriting and acting categories and the film industry does not need a referral to hospice like the music industry which is simultaneously suffering from brain cancer, Alzheimer’s and heart disease.

Yes, there are the travesties of tripe like Crash, American Beauty, Chicago, Braveheart and A Beautiful Mind winning best picture during the last decade-and-a-half or Ron Howard winning best director for being a nice guy. Sure, it is stupid to expand the Best Picture nominations to 10 films, thereby disallowing my grouse about the 2-3 superior films left out (while simultaneously allowing me to complain about the lack of others).

I have seen most of the major motion pictures in contention this year.

So, here are my initial complaints and praises as a guy that thinks he knows a lot about film:

1. 1. Where the heck is Where the Wild Things Are? I understand that many people did not get its genius, but leaving it out of technical categories like Best Art Direction, Best Costume Design and Cinematography is a miscarriage of justice on all accounts. Aside from Avatar, it was the most visually stunning film of the year. Arrgh.

2. I enjoy seeing District 9 as a Best picture nominee, even if it does not deserve inclusion. If you are going to slum, where is The Hangover? What about small gems like Moon (not one nomination), Sugar and In the Loop? I am glad to see In the Lop included for screenplay, which is deserved (but cannot believe there is no acting supporting nomination for Peter Capaldi). With 10 nominees it seems this year’s bridesmaid is The Messenger which got great early buzz, but was forgotten. Seriously, Blind Side? C’mon, Bush is no longer in office.

3. After being shut out of the Golden Globes, I was pleased to see Jeremy Renner nominated for Best Actor in my favorite film of the year, The Hurt Locker (not even close). His performance is so natural it can be missed, which leads me to Jeff Bridges, the most underrated actor in cinematic history. Crazy Heart has not made it to Tampa, but I don’t care. Put the Oscar in bubble wrap and send it to him today. He is one of the top 3 actors in the world and it is about time he finally gets the love he has always deserved. Oh yeah, where was Sam Rockwell? Duh.

4. As usual Screenplay has the most interesting and edgy nominees. It is always the place Oscar gives love to those it ignores at other times. However, this year Up In the Air wins for adapted since the logjam is too big for it to push through for Best Picture. Inglourious Basterds gives Quentin his second pseudo-best picture statuette. Oscar was smart to stay away from Avatar in these categories, unless they put it in Adapted Screenplay and mention Pocahontas or Dances with Wolves.

5. I will be rooting hard for Kathryn Bigelow and Hurt Locker all night. While I think the best director category is strong, it is her time. Tarantino has grown up, but the ending of IB left me cold and showed weakness. Reitman will get an Oscar soon enough (and in many other years it would be his- plus he gets one for screenplay), while Cameron can never be dismissed (plus Avatar is a bigger achievement in directing than Titanic). Lee Daniels is the “happy to be here” nominee that they always have.

6. Best Supporting Actress is the toughest of all to gauge. That category has no weakness. Best Supporting Actor forgot some better performances, but Waltz was great. I wish Oscar had remembered others from The Hurt Locker in this category. Give Bullock her Julia Roberts memorial playing-against-type statue. Whatever.

7. In other news, I love that there were at least 5 animated films worthy of inclusion (but, where is Ponyo?). We know what wins though. Glad to see The Cove and Food, Inc. as best docs. I hated a couple of the scores included and could give you my treatise on why they always screw up on the technical awards, but I have already ranted (see #1) a bit. Plus, I don’t want to put you to sleep. By the way, it doesn’t matter since Avatar wins all of them (besides Cinematography- I don’t see how it is special there?).

I will try a running commentary of complaints, snark and praise on Oscar night if you care.

By the way, here is my list of the Top Films of the Year. I still stand by it.

NOBODY "WASTES" THEIR CANCER

Excuse my little rant. I haven't done this in a while, but this has me fired up

You have probably come across the great AP piece on Pastor Matt Chandler of Village Church in Dallas’ battle with inoperable cancer. It is well done and covers the bases as such article should. Sure, in a major AP piece, it would have been interesting to hear accounts from those that may have a different theological take on suffering, etc. But, I cannot quibble about such a minor thing.

I do take issue with the idea that he is suffering well, when compared to others which is the article’s title (even if I agree that according to his own faith story, he is). While his example is powerful and can lead to a different approach to suffering for some patients, including it may lead to guilt for those that suffer differently (which is not Chanlder’s idea or even the article’s. I believe the title comes from a quote by Mark Driscoll).

What I can quibble about is some of the reaction to Matt Chandler’s cancer, evident in one quote from the article and in the blogosphere (has the phrase “in the blogosphere” ever preceded something positive?). Hastened by John Piper’s Don’t Waste Your Cancer blog posting from a few years ago, they declare Chanlder is not wasting his cancer either. In it, Piper, suffering from cancer at the time, gave 10 teaching points on how one wastes their cancer. While I do not like the semantics behind “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” and find it discourteous that anyone wastes something in which they feel immeasurable pain and the idea of death because their body attacks itself, I gave Piper grace because he speaks out of his own experience. And, I think any cancer patient can say whatever they want to cope and to survive.

However, because of the way Matt Chandler is approaching one of the worst diagnoses fathomable, especially to someone with a young family, with evident reliance upon his faith, family and church, many are saying “he is not wasting his cancer.” Let me explain something as one that has not experienced cancer personally, but has had friends and family diagnosed and die of the disease, and one that through my role as Director of Spiritual Care for a hospice has seen what cancer patients go through as they deal with the end of their lives here on earth… No One Wastes their Cancer. It is not something to waste. It is something that wastes you. Yes, you can approach it with grace, faith and strength, which I hope you do. You can feel as if you are wasting your own cancer, but don’t put in on anyone else!

But, however you deal with your cancer is not for me to judge. You can be angry. You can be depressed. You can scream when the pain comes and you can ask for the most powerful pain medication available. It is your cancer and your burden. You can handle it however you are able. I just hope you don’t give up hope and I hope you find healing (internal and eternal, not necessarily external). I hope you find people to lean on. I hope that you lean directly on God (and as a chaplain, I will help you walk through whatever spiritual understanding you have).

While Matt Chandler is dealing with his cancer in a way true to his belief system and his life pre-cancer, I would not be so arrogant to say that he was wasting it if he had reacted differently than John Piper has. It is his cancer and his reaction and beyond the comprehension or judgment of another human being. Just because he is reacting in a way they like does not mean a hill of beans to anyone else.

I am praying for Matt Chandler. I don’t know him, but we have mutual friends. I am not interested in his theological position or leadership position in the church when I pray for him. I couldn’t care less. He is a man with 3 young children and a wife he is worried about. As a dad of 3 kids below 10, I know enough to feel confident in how to pray for him as a husband and dad. That is all I need to do and know.

In case you are wondering what quotes I am speaking of, here is Mark Driscoll from the AP article, "If he suffers well, that might be the most important sermon he's ever preached." Who decides if he is “suffering well”? Does Driscoll? Do I? How much pressure of “suffering well” according to others does he need?

On his twitter feed,Dr. Al Mohler* says “not wasting his cancer” before retweeting the AP article and another blogger says “Praise God that Chandler is not wasting his cancer” here. I get what they are trying to say, but they putunintentional pressure on every cancer patient to react in a predetermined RIGHT way that may not be how they deal with such a dire diagnosis. Not every Biblical character reacted to life and death issues in the same way and not every person should be expected to act in a way that we (as non cancer patients) decide is RIGHT.

If you want to share the article, talk about his faith and how he responds to suffering but don’t say anything about wasting his cancer or that he is suffering well, when others are not.

*Mohler had a cancer scare a few years ago, so I cut him some slack on this.