Friday, March 12, 2010

Glenn Beck, outraged at Christianity's message of Social Justice declares intention to start new Religion

On his show today, Glenn Beck announced that he was leaving Mormonism and organized religion all together upon finding out that most Christian churches and those of other religions, including Mormonism, teach Social Justice. He will be starting a new religion, based upon the teachings of Ayn Rand, W. Cleon Skousen and his books including Arguing with Idiots and Common Sense. He will also be rewriting the Book of Mormon and the Holy Bible to suit his needs, and those of his followers just as he has rewritten history and the constitution to suit his own purposes.

On his program, Mr. Beck said, “Well, let me tell you, I am very disappointed in today’s religions. I thought that the teachings of all religions, especially Christianity and Mormonism allowed me to believe whatever I wanted and read the Bible in whatever manner I decided, while declaring that your interpretation is incorrect. I was told by a religious leader that only the Pope and the leaders of denominations are allowed to interpret the Bible for themselves and everyone else. I think it is a conspiracy much like that Dan Brown discovered in The Da Vinci Code. I don’t believe in what he was saying, but I think it is obvious that something is going on, if you connect the dots. Which I have.”

Upon reading a Bible for the first time, Beck told listeners that he was shocked by the obvious communism of Jehovah, Jesus and the early church.

He stated, “This redistribution of funds advocated by Jesus is against the very Judeo-Christian principles on which this country was founded and we need to put a stop to it. Churches that believe the words of Jesus and Paul will be asking us to give money to their causes, they will feed the hungry, cloth the naked and most repulsively they will visit people in jail and heal the sick. It is almost as if they would want Health Care reform. So that message is tantamount to Communism, Nazism, Facisism, Socialism and any other ism I hear about. This must be stopped. Thank God the Judeo-Christian principles that this country was founded upon are directly opposed to the words of that dangerous book. I mean if our founders believed this book they would not have killed so many Indians and put blacks in slavery. Our founding was obviously different, thankfully. I am especially outraged at the treacherous behavior of the early church leaders in Acts 2, starting an alternative society in which people redistribute wealth. This must be stopped if any church engages in it. Because, next thing these church people will want is the government to abide by the same principles.”

Beck's diatribe continued with a declaration that he would be starting a new group in the next few days called the 9-13 Project, an update of his previous 9-12 Project. This project would advocate for a new interpretation of Scripture, fully influenced by the writings of Ayn Rand and the Judeo-Christian principles Beck understands to be the bedrock of American society. It would reinterpret the words of Jesus or throw out those that were against American principles. His plans will be unveiled at a news conference.

Rumors among his close followers include armed takeover of churches led by Pastors believing in Social Justice, because Beck realizes those leaving churches need places to go, and there are already places to meet for his message.


Warren said...

Been eagerly anticipating a post from you on this. Thanks for not disappointing.

Unknown said...

Awesome post!

I guess I'd better get ready for armed takeover at my church, because I'm not giving up on social justice just because he says so...

Ben and Bennie said...

Discovered your blog post via a friend on Facebook today. Evidently it is getting copied and shared quite a bit given that it is absolutely brilliant. And of course you just got a new follower - hopefully you have more in your flock than Beck's.

Michael said...

May the Blessed Ayn forgive you for this heresy.

Keith said...

I don't know if I should rant or insert a punchline,

Beck is a boob. (No that's an insult to boobs) he's a beck.

That's perhaps the best way to address this idiocy, make the word "beck" pejorative.( ie. I was going to ask Bob to come to the party but he was being such a beck I decided not too.)

Anonymous said...

I was drawn to this post by a headline that read: "cheaper than therapy."

Sorry, but after spending 15 minutes here, I believe that therapy would have been sensible.