Churches Announce Pop Singer Signings for Easter Services

An announcement earlier this week that The Jonas Brothers would be leading worship at Angels Stadium in Anaheim for Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church has touched off a wave of new signings and negotiations during the past 24 hours.

The 1 Day free agent signing, considered a coup by many insiders, was negotiated by Warren himself and The Jonas Brothers’ new agent Scott Boras, agent for MLB’s Alex Rodriquez and Manny Ramirez. Reached for comment, Rick Warren told reporters, “This will be quite the day. While many were trying to sign the Jonas Brothers, we knew the climate of the OC would be a draw, along with our proximity to LA and the connection we have to the Disney community. When you think Saddleback, you think Disney Pop. This is a match made in heaven by Angels and in Anaheim with the Angels. Plus, their parents love my book, The Purpose Driven Life. The Jonas Brothers are a purpose driven band and this is a purpose driven Sunday!”

Once considered a front runner for The Jonas Brothers’ services, the leadership team at Fellowship of Grapevine, is in full crisis mode. “Of course, they were our pick. Who does not want a number 1 of that caliber on the equivalent of opening day? But, we have something up our sleeves. Just wait.” Unnamed sources have confirmed that Rev. Young is negotiating with Lady GaGa, Taylor Swift and Beyonce at this time. His first choice is Beyonce, but only if she brings Jay-Z along.

Miss Swift was the front runner at Saddleback until her unfortunate off key performance at The Grammys. “Even our sound engineers would not know what to do with that, “said Saddleback’s chief sound guy. Also, there was concern that Kanye West would show up and upstage any Taylor Swift performance. Saddleback’s police force deemed Swift a security risk due to Kanye’s likely crashing.

Not wanting to wait for an announcement after the Jonas signing, Willow Creek announced today they are in negotiations with Coldplay front man Chris Martin to perform a solo set at each of their weekend services. Other weekend signings include Ricky Martin at Metropolitan Community Church of Dallas, Miley Cyrus at Joel Osteen’s Houston church and Sufjan Stevens at Mars Hill Grand Rapids since Sigur Ros and Radiohead were unavailable.

American Idol contestants and winners are dispersing nationwide as this article is being written. John Mayer’s pre-Easter stock has dropped due to unfortunate comments on twitter and in magazines. His agent hopes a church with a liberal view on sexuality will call before the weekend.

U2 has chosen to forego performing on Easter Sunday, opting for a quiet East celebration on the French Riviera with a private church service performed by the leadership of the Protestant and Catholic churches of Ireland and performances by Sinead O’Connor and Swell Season. The bands and ministers will be flown in, along with an alter from the Church of the Holy Sepulcher for this eco-friendly service. It is closed to the public.

There is no truth to the rumor that Mars Hill Church of Seattle has asked Nickleback to perform. Mars Hill has chosen to bring Ultimate Fighting Championship celebrities to give testimonials instead.

_____________

Updated: Fading pop star Britney Spears has been announced as the headliner for fading seeker church Without Walls Church in Tampa in what is considered another match made in heaven.

apparently it is not obvious on this post, but the story of The Jonas Brothers playing at Angels Stadium as part of Saddleback's Easter service is real:)

Crazy Good Music Year so far

So far 2010 has been an embarrassment of musical riches, topped last week by a Tuesday that saw the release of the latest by Frightened Rabbit, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Broken Bells (Danger Mouse and lead singer of The Shins), Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Titus Andronicus, Gorillaz, The Besnard Lakes, Liars and an ep by We Were Promised Jetpacks. Drive-by Truckers latest drops today, along with a new one from the normally solid The Whigs. That is almost too much good music released in too short of a timeframe. There is no way to digest all of it when you have a job.

In a little more than 2 months, we have already seen Spoon, The Soft Pack, Joanna Newsome, The Knife, Yeasayer, Vampire Weekend, Alberta Cross (officially released, even though it had been around a while), Basia Bulat, Johnny Cash, Clem Snide, Cold War Kids (ep), Eluvium, Four Tet, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Peter Gabriel, Shearwater, Laura Veirs, These New Puritans, Surfer Blood, Magnetic Fields, Midlake, Man/ Miracle, Local Natives and the controversial Mumford and Sons (how can a bluegrass band be so controversial? Well most people love it and a few music reviewers hate it).

Many of these listed would have been in my list of the top 10-20 albums if they had released a work in the inferior years of 2008-2009 (a few did and made the list). Beyond Titus Andronicus and Frightened Rabbit I cannot be sure which of these releases will be near my top 10 by December.

Why?

Well, we still have The National, Arcade Fire, M.I.A, She & Him, Erykah Badu, Wu-Tang, David Byrne/ Fatboy Slim, Matt Pond PA, MGMT, Roky Erikson/ Okkervil River, Kate Nash, New Pornographers, Broken Social Scene, Hold Steady, Josh Ritter, Minus the Bear, Woods, The Black Keys, Gaslight Anthem, Deer Tick, The Roots, Stars, Gogol Bordello, Blitzen Trapper and Thom Yorke’s project with Flea. And that is just the first half of the year. I cannot even fathom what may happen between July and December.

From what I have heard so far this year, I heartily recommend:

The Winter of Mixed Drinks by Frightened Rabbit- I did not think it was near the absolute masterwork that is Midnight Organ Fight, their sophomore release. However, with each listen I am astounded at the maturity of the lyrical content, the beauty of the arrangements (it is not as raw, on the verge of ripping apart as the last album) and the vulnerable power of lead singer Scott Hutchinson, the closest thing to Young Bono we have had in a long time.

Gorilla Manor by Local Natives- Take 1 part Vampire Weekend/ Harlem Shakes rhythm section and 2 parts Fleet Foxes, Blitzen Trapper harmony heavy vocal arrangements (with stronger lead singing) and add some crunchy guitar work and Coldplay-esque Christian-lite spirituality, while taking away much of the restraint those bands strive for and you end up with this debut album by Local Natives. If it sounds like it was put together in an Indie Rock laboratory, then those guys should get a Nobel Prize for the formulation that makes me groove.

Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons- If they have an Indie Rock lab, then Mumford and Sons were created there also. So, this year, those lab geeks deserve a Nobel and a MacArthur Genius Grant. Sure, it is derivative. Sure, it has elements of Devotchka, Fanfarlo, Avett Brothers and Toad the Wet Sprocket with overly emotive singing, continually crescendoing rave ups and vulnerable pseudo spiritual lyrics. Yes, it is on the verge of descending into some purgatory of becoming the bluegrass Coldplay, but it stops on that line and dances a jig. I just hope Mumford doesn’t fall into the musical Hades next time out.

Transference by Spoon- It sounds like Spoon. That is always a good thing. In a just world, or a world in which there was still real rock radio and record labels that held any weight, these guys would be HUGE.

The Monitor by Titus Andronicus- I am still digesting this album and it demands many listens, but this could be the best thing released so far this year. I will get back to you.

More of those releases next time.

(Come back later today and I will add links to some of this music to make it easier for you to access)

Glenn Beck, outraged at Christianity's message of Social Justice declares intention to start new Religion

On his show today, Glenn Beck announced that he was leaving Mormonism and organized religion all together upon finding out that most Christian churches and those of other religions, including Mormonism, teach Social Justice. He will be starting a new religion, based upon the teachings of Ayn Rand, W. Cleon Skousen and his books including Arguing with Idiots and Common Sense. He will also be rewriting the Book of Mormon and the Holy Bible to suit his needs, and those of his followers just as he has rewritten history and the constitution to suit his own purposes.

On his program, Mr. Beck said, “Well, let me tell you, I am very disappointed in today’s religions. I thought that the teachings of all religions, especially Christianity and Mormonism allowed me to believe whatever I wanted and read the Bible in whatever manner I decided, while declaring that your interpretation is incorrect. I was told by a religious leader that only the Pope and the leaders of denominations are allowed to interpret the Bible for themselves and everyone else. I think it is a conspiracy much like that Dan Brown discovered in The Da Vinci Code. I don’t believe in what he was saying, but I think it is obvious that something is going on, if you connect the dots. Which I have.”

Upon reading a Bible for the first time, Beck told listeners that he was shocked by the obvious communism of Jehovah, Jesus and the early church.

He stated, “This redistribution of funds advocated by Jesus is against the very Judeo-Christian principles on which this country was founded and we need to put a stop to it. Churches that believe the words of Jesus and Paul will be asking us to give money to their causes, they will feed the hungry, cloth the naked and most repulsively they will visit people in jail and heal the sick. It is almost as if they would want Health Care reform. So that message is tantamount to Communism, Nazism, Facisism, Socialism and any other ism I hear about. This must be stopped. Thank God the Judeo-Christian principles that this country was founded upon are directly opposed to the words of that dangerous book. I mean if our founders believed this book they would not have killed so many Indians and put blacks in slavery. Our founding was obviously different, thankfully. I am especially outraged at the treacherous behavior of the early church leaders in Acts 2, starting an alternative society in which people redistribute wealth. This must be stopped if any church engages in it. Because, next thing these church people will want is the government to abide by the same principles.”

Beck's diatribe continued with a declaration that he would be starting a new group in the next few days called the 9-13 Project, an update of his previous 9-12 Project. This project would advocate for a new interpretation of Scripture, fully influenced by the writings of Ayn Rand and the Judeo-Christian principles Beck understands to be the bedrock of American society. It would reinterpret the words of Jesus or throw out those that were against American principles. His plans will be unveiled at a news conference.

Rumors among his close followers include armed takeover of churches led by Pastors believing in Social Justice, because Beck realizes those leaving churches need places to go, and there are already places to meet for his message.

another difference between Liberals and Conservatives

just saw another quote on the real differences between Democrats and Republicans/ Conservatives and Liberals that strikes me as true.

Rogert Ebert (via twitter) said, "Conservatives seem angry, Liberals seem appalled."

the real difference between Democrats and Republicans

been trying to keep politics out of here, but this one will warm the hearts of everyone:

Democrats and Republicans are basically the same on a lot of issues: They both voted for the Iraq War, they both love pork and useless weapons programs, they both lift their skirts for Wall Street. But they have one major stylistic difference: Republicans are unafraid to exercise power, while Democrats try to run government like one of those pansy T-Ball leagues, where every kid gets to have a hit, nobody loses, and nobody has to go home with an ouchie or hurt feelings.

Matt Taibbi in Rolling Stone- A Way Out for Obama

Oscar Roundtable

an imagined conversation

Oscar Round-Table with Mark Driscoll, Brian McLaren, Ed Young, Jr, David Dark and the Rev. Smith, pastor of Berean Baptist Church.

CTT: Thanks to all of you for participating in our roundtable. First of all, I would like to ask what each of you brings to the table to discus film.

Mark: “I do love film, I love story. My degree’s in communication. I’ve got two home theater systems. I’ve got three Tivos, all right, I am not against technology and the arts. Our film crew just was in L.A. at Universal Studios shooting on the Spartacus set to get all of our footage for Good Friday. Some of my friends are filmmakers and poets and artists and we’re a very creative church.”*

Brian: While I would rather not discuss the material possessions that allow me to watch film on a high level, I am a former English teacher at the University of Maryland and have an understanding of the narrative aspects of film and how they align with the Biblical narrative.

Ed Young, Jr.: Well, I am sure my home theater system would put Mark’s to shame. Plus, I minister to some very influential actors, names I cannot share at this time. And, we do a really cool “At the Movies” sermon series in which I take a really popular movie and create a sermon around it. We even make our stage look like the film. I cannot wait to do Avatar. I will be blue!

David Dark: I have written on film for a number of years. I find it a form, while not superior to the written word, at least its modern equivalent, allowing the participants, on both the maker’s side and that of the watcher, to create a participatory dance through its use of images, light, sound, narrative and human involvement that is superior to other artistic forms (the written word withstanding) due to its ability to fully engage those said participants, whether it is the grandiose art of a Fellini, the sublimity of a Godard or the lowbrow comedic timings of an Apatow.

Rev. Smith: I write a newsletter each month for my congregants telling them which movies they should see and which ones they shouldn’t.

CTT: First of all, let’s discuss the film Avatar. What are your reactions?

Mark: Avatar is “the most demonic, satanic film I’ve ever seen. That any Christian could watch that without seeing the overt demonism is beyond me… it is a completely false ideology, it’s a sermon preached. It’s the most popular movie ever made, and it tells you that the creation mandate, the cultural mandate is bad, that we shouldn’t, we shouldn’t develop culture, that’s a bad thing. Primitive is good and advanced is bad and that we’re not sinners, we’re just disconnected from the divine life force, just classic, classic, classic paganism, that human beings are to connect, literally, with trees and animals and beasts and birds and that there’s this spiritual connection that we’re all a part of, that we’re all a part of the divine. It presents a false mediator with a witch. It presents false worship of created things rather than Creator God in absolute antithesis to Romans 1:25, which gives that as the essence of paganism. It has a false incarnation where a man comes in to be among a people group and to assume their identity. It’s a false Jesus. We have a false resurrection. We have a false savior. We have a false heaven. The whole thing is new age, satanic, demonic paganism, and people are just stunned by the visuals. Well, the visuals are amazing because Satan wants you to emotionally connect with a lie.”*

Brian: While I appreciate the passion with which Mark speaks, I must disagree on a number of grounds. However, I do have an issue with the film when I think of the costs associated. I wonder how many wells could be built to provide clean drinking water in Africa with the money spend on that film. In fact, a sustainable wind farm could be created to bring renewable energy to the entire subcontinent with the money brought in so far. This is an example of the false narrative that Westerners find themselves in.

However, regarding the film itself, I do appreciate the fact that the oppressive Colonialist forces that were attempting to rape the land of a primitive (in the positive sense) people group were pushed back, once again showing the crises each civilization faces when an oppressor is led by fear, greed and racism. However, I do believe that it was a misfortune that the Myth of Redemptive Violence was exalted once more.

Ed Young Jr: Man, did you see it in 3D? Wow. We are totally going to create a 3D theater in our video venues so they can experience our church as it happens in Grapevine. Man, what I would not do for a fraction of that special effects budget every Sunday. As for the movie? Yeah. I think I can find a way to spin it around to the Gospel. I think each person needs to be willing to become someone else to reach others for Jesus. That’ll preach, right? Can’t wait for the sermon series. It will be on the web. I am gonna be blue and the church will be Pandora!

David: I would rather spend time talking about the narrative structure in the Coen Brothers film A Serious Man and how it speaks to the consequences of inaction in Jewish life which is not solved by the American Rabbinical tradition.

Rev. Smith: Didn’t see it. Told my congregants not to see it. Sounds wierd.

CTT: Alright, let’s look at the other Best Picture candidates. Any that stick out to you?

Mark: My number 1 choice is Inglourious Basterds. I would like to metaphorically bash the skulls of the evil expressed in this film (and by modern day poor theology). I get what Tarantino is trying to do and while I believe that it was God’s will for the Holocaust, and I cannot question anything in God’s perfect timing, I think the Basterds were the kind of Jesus following young men I look for! I can do without the existential crises of A Serious Man and Up In the Air. These guys need to get over themselves. Blindside sucked. I liked the message, but the direction was pedestrian while still manipulative and Bullock overacts as if to say, “look at my, give me an Oscar.”

Brian: Once again, the Myth of Redemptive Violence is the overarching theme in Avatar, District 9, The Hurt Locker, Inglourious Basterds and Up. I find this a disturbing trend. While I did appreciate District 9’s desire to understand the world from the side of The Other, especially through the Incarnation, I was disturbed by the Colonialism evident in its use of a white man to redeem the lives of the poor savage aliens who were unable to save themselves. I feel the same about Blindside in which a rich white Christian saves the life of a poor mute black boy. My favorite would be Up In the Air, in which a 50 something man that travels too much experiences a wholly Kierkegaardian crises of faith. I also love the ambiguity.

Ed Young, Jr: Precious was way too depressing and I didn’t understand the girl’s life. I get Blindside. She is our congregation. I know we will use Up for our sermon series. Balloons baby! We are doing Blindside. I am working out a deal to get Sandra Bullock to come speak that day. District 9 is too heady for a sermon, as is Up In the Air. I will use The Hurt Locker if it wins the Oscar, but no one has seen it, so that Sunday would be a waste. What are the other movies? Pretty artsy, right?

David Dark: How long do I have to express my thoughts on each film? I mean, I am not talking about Avatar or Blindside, but I have written a work on the redemptive traits of the canon of Quentin Tarantino and how those correspond to the historical understanding of Eastern European Gypsy religions. Of course, I am most interested in Tarantino recreating himself as a Golem taking vengeance that the Jews were not able to take upon the Third Reich. Listen, I can tell you were looking for controversial statements and pithy headlines. That’s not really what I do.

Rev. Smith: My wife made me go to see Blindside. I liked it. Sandra Bullock makes a pretty blond. I didn’t see anything else besides Up, when my grandkids brought it over. It was cute, but I didn’t like the chicken creature. Was it a girl? Thought it was a boy until the baby came along. I don’t like gender confusion. I did like the talking dog. That Hurt Locker sounds kinda interesting, but I suppose it has bad language. They always ruin the war films with bad language.

CTT: Any last thoughts?

Mark: If The Hurt Locker wins, it will make the job of every pastor in America even more difficult. Women will assume they can make movies also. I am just kidding. The director isn’t married, so she can do what she wants. Plus, she made Point Break. She is an honorary guy.

Brian: I would encourage everyone to look at the systemic issues at play in each of this year’s movies and think about how each of us can be a cure to these cancers afflicting our beautiful world. In each film, the conflict arises due to one of the 4 global crises. If we can create a new kind of Christianity that actually addresses these factors, then there will only be movies made from our imaginations, not based upon true stories of oppression, inequity, environmental degradation or fear. It is my prayer that films like Precious, District 9, The Hurt Locker, An Eduation, Avatar and Blindside become historical artifacts of a bygone society in which the factors that create these narratives are banished to history and a new Na’vi-like world is created in its place.

Ed Young, Jr: If you are interested in a sermon series based upon this year’s Oscar nominees and winners, please see my website, www.creativepastors.com. I will have sermon outlines, wardrobe ideas, film clips and stage designs for purchase. Our team has also created a special blue paint which does not stain, so you can use it for your Avatar sermon.

David Dark: I would appreciate this being an actual discussion of film next time, and not just an exercise is sound bite collection.

Rev. Smith: Nope.

*actual quote

yes, it is a joke. why would you even ask?

Mark Driscoll's 10 Most Holy Films

The Top 10 Holiest Films, according to Mark Driscoll

10. Mad Max Trilogy- really anything by the Godly role model Mel Gibson. This film is obviously an allegory for the Gospel, with Max’s family as the church led to slaughter by false teachers. Max takes the vengeance of the Lord into his own hands, dispensing justice as a follower of God should.

9. 40 year Old Virgin- The trifecta: Good Sexual Ethics, Bad language and Homophobic jokes.

8. Talladega Nights- Say what you will, they get Jesus spot on!

7. Brave Heart- Jesus wants men like this on his side. However, it is lower on the Holy list because it is so overused by even sissified Christian men.

6. Die Hard- a Godly man, protecting his unrepentant wife/ Jezebel as she leaves her proper place to upset God’s order. As we see from this film, there are consequences when men are not the Head of the Household. An obvious metaphor for the book of Hosea.

5. Book of Eli- This film shows how we need to defend the Holy Bible from its detractors. Where can I get a machete like that to take down the enemies of the Lord? Plus, even I haven’t memorized the ENTIRE Bible.

4. Pulp Fiction- I would have added Kill Bill, which I love but struggle since it is clearly an allegory for Buddhism with a female protag (don’t these women understand their proper place). However, it does kick some serious tail. That said, Pulp Fiction is a call to leave the unrighteous life behind and take up our cross and follow Christ, as Jules chooses. Vincent suffers the consequences of saying No to repentance. It is so clear.

3. The Matrix- Sure some have told us that it is really about Buddhism, but Buddhism is about non-violence and wimpishness. Neo is not such a character in this film (the directors change him in the 2^nd and 3^rd films due to politically correct standards). He is a butt-kicking Christ figure choosing to die for the sins of others and resurrection to return ala Christ in The Book of Revelation. Plus, my friend Chris wrote a book about it.

2. There Will Be Blood- A real man builds a kingdom from his bare hands and will not let Charlatans or false teachers destroy it, even if he has to drink the milkshake of the false teacher (you figure out what that represents). The false teacher/ preacher representing Emergent theology and Pentecostalism is properly dispatched during the film’s climax. I find that a well placed bowling pin would stop manyof today’s false prophets.

1. Fight Club- Could there by another? This is what the Manly Christian life is about, a struggle with our dark sides in which we beat our sinful nature to a pulp… and anyone else that gets in our way!

"I would add Gladiator/ 300- but the theology is obviously polytheistic and the views of the afterlife disallow inclusion because some may see them as recruiting films for ancient Greek and Roman religions. However, we must remember that these films are set in pre-Christian Greece in the case of 300 and in a land in which Christianity was not yet taken hold in the case of Gladiator. Sure, films such as Spartacus, Ben Hur and The Robe deal more explicitly with Christian themes, but sadly, they are not bloody enough. We must remember, even pre-Christian religions took the afterlife seriously and these men act like a good Christian husband/ father should in the face of evil. The practice self-control until the time is right and unleash Holy Hell upon those forces of evil, willing to sacrifice themselves for the nobler cause. These are the opposite of pagan fests like Avatar. But, I cannot add them to the list of Holy films because weaker Christians may see this as justification for non-Christian religions. An obviously Holy work like Passion of the Christ is not here because it needs no analysis.

I also struggle with Titanic because the consequences of premarital sex are dire (but I really hate James Cameron and he offers poor role models for women)."

from the desk/ harddrive of Mark Driscoll.

____________________________

again, chill people. This is satire. By the way, if you are over here because you hate Driscoll and think this proves some of your biases correct, it does not. Like all of us, you included, his views of the world can create moments of great insight and goofy pronouncements. He is just a guy with a big bully pulpit, but no better or worse than anyone else. Man, I hate explaining this stuff because people (Christians) just don't get it.

The 10 Most Demonic Films according to Mark Driscoll

Many of us have all read the stories, the sermon, or seen how Mark Driscoll, pastor of the mega-Seattle-church Mars Hill has declared Avatar the most demonic film of all time. Of course, it is evil on numerous fronts. Not only is it a recruitment film for Paganism that shows advancement of culture as an evil. It is also a big budget action film and everyone knows Mark, the hip dude he is, is a fan of Indie flicks… of course the perfect films are Indie Action films with lots of male bonding and blood which sound great on his home theater system, which he tells us about in hisAvatar sermon.

Anyway, we have found Mark’s list of the Ten Most Demonic Films Ever made. Here is the list, borrowed by our investigative journalist/ hacker:

1. Avatar- Blue Pagans that don’t believe in sin defeating the forces of progress and manliness. I might as well add its precursors Pocahontas, Dances With Wolves and Ferngully which had the same sickening message.
2. The Matrix Reloaded/ Revolutions- not only did they suck in comparison to the first, but these Buddhist love fests also support the ending of wars between good and evil with negotiated peace settlements. That flies in the face of Revelations and the lake of fire (and manly filmmaking).
3. Thelma and Louise- Although they get what they deserve in the end for upsetting the proper Godly order of things, they do so on their terms and not punished by God alone for their sins of not obeying their husbands. Feminism is dangerous.
4. The Mission- a sickening example of the Liberal Social Gospel of pacifism. People like Brian McLaren must have used it as a template for their feminization and wimpification of “Christianity.”
5. The Village- Another strong willed woman leaving behind the proper boundaries set up by her loving, Godly parents. She is not punished, but instead brings down the natural order
6. It’s a Wonderful Life/ Heaven Can Wait/ The Preacher’s Wife- Angel Idolatry at its most evil. The early church stoned people for this kind of thing. Now we praise it. Sickening.
7. Brokeback Mountain- Disgusting attempt to take a symbol of manliness and turn it into a recruitment film for homosexual behavior. These are weak men in need of redemption, not Oscar worthy.
8. Dogma- I loved the language and the violence, but they lost me with a black disciple and headed towards heresy with a Canadian chick playing a God that could die. I hope Kevin Smith chokes on a chicken wing.
9. Star Wars- before the sickening paganism of Avatar, we had the anti-Christian combination of Buddhism, moral ambiguity and witchcraft in Star Wars. It would be higher on the list if the protagonists were not human.
10. Say Anything- What started as a great manly tale, especially in light of the lead character’s kickboxing training ended as a feminist dream in which the male’s will is subjugated by the woman’s.

Mark list did not include kid flicks, but there was a rant against children’s films, “Of course, this list is devoid of children’s movies which can be the most insidiously evil because they hide their demonic agendas behind toys and talking animals. Needless to say All Dogs Go to Heaven (with its inclusive gospel) is the vilest, followed byRatatouille, Wall-E, any Disney film with a female in charge and Lion King.”

His list of Demonic films did not include these obvious choices. He felt he should not include them because they are based upon books. So the Demonism was there before they were turned into films. These choices are obvious: Golden Compass, the Harry Potter films, the Twilight series,The Da Vinci Code and Jurassic Park (if the dinosaurs had eaten Jeff Goldblum’s postmodern atheist scientist, the films would be redeemed).

___________________________

its satire- chill Mark disciples

Artist Faces Heresy Charges After Church Rejects Depiction of Crucifixion

Artist Faces Heresy Charges After Church Rejects Depiction of Crucifixion

circa, 1563

ZURICH, CH- Facing charges for heresy is not what artist Martin Gessner expected when he submitted his painting entitled Jesus on the Cross for his church’s annual Easter Art exhibit. However, that is his latest concern, after his work was rejected by the elders of Lindenhof Church and anonymous postings calling for his excommunication were left nailed to the church door.

Asked to submit an artistic rendition of Jesus’ suffering by elders of his church, John chose the classic expression of Jesus’ death, the crucifixion, as his presentation. His multi-media oil, standing 6 feet high, depicts a bloody Jesus hanging on the cross with a crown of thorns and blood red slashes across the body symbolizing the whippings Jesus received. There are also nails through the hands and feet, along with an expression of pain on the face of the dying man.

This was deemed by church officials as inappropriate for the church’s gallery, because there was a possibility of children viewing the image. They felt this could disturb the delicate sensibilities of children to see their hero, Jesus, hanging dead on a tree. If they were to see him in such a desparate state, they may choose to follow someone stronger. A church spokesman said, “We feel that Mr. Gessner has created a beautiful expression of art that would fit well into a Catholic church or museum, but is not appropriate for children or Protestants, for whom the death of Christ is paramount, but the cross must be empty and bloodless.”

This is not the first time an artist has had a piece rejected by the elders of a local church. Many remember the incident in 345 in which an unnamed young Roman Christian artist depicted Jesus being beaten by Roman guards on his way to the cross. Church leaders felt that young children would get the wrong impression of the Roman guards. Constantine had made Christianity the official religion of the Roman world and it was deemed unacceptable to depict Roman guards in such a light.

The artist was encouraged to resubmit the piece with generic guards beating Jesus or better yet, Jesus generically hurt, not actually bloody, making sure that young Christian children understood that Roman guards were role models, not to be feared for doing their jobs. It was understood that many young Christian children may grow up to be Roman guards and such a depiction could damage their delicate sensibilities and cause them to become Pacifists fearing the armed guardians of the Empire.

After his refusal, this young artist was last seen in the company of Roman guards and an elderly lion.

Lindenhof Church elder, Christof Meyer, reminded this scribe that, “We no longer kill artists for representing Jesus in a way we judge unacceptable, unless it is deemed heresy. However, this is not my definition of heresy. It is merely a bit too Catholic for my tastes and more bloody than children can handle. Of course, some church leaders may feel differently considering our present conflict with the Mary worshipping Papists.”

Mr. Gessner has been encouraged to resubmit an empty cross, keeping in line with present Protestant visions for the cross. Lindenhof elders also plan to submit a proposal to Protestant councils to ban the use of the crucifix in Protestant churches and discontinue the extra-Biblical, thoroughly depressing Stations of the Cross. It is expected to pass.

________________________________

I hate explaining my satire or defending it, but there is a need this time around. The church we helped plant in Texas had asked a 10 yr old boy to submit a piece surrounding the Stations of the Cross. It was deemed that this piece was unacceptable for the context, which is well within the church's rights. However, it still struck me as ironic. Follow the story here and see the art with artist statement here.

We know the people involved, including the pastor and the church elders listed, as well as the young artist and his father. This is not an attempt to take sides, but to shine a different light on the situation.