fighting the power 20 years ago today with Spike Lee

While reminiscing about previous July 4ths, Kristi and I found huge holes in our memories regarding the holiday. Not being particularly patriotic people and not having a great love of fireworks, we have had so many quiet Independence Days that we have forgotten most. Sure, I remember the Esplanade in Boston or the crappy Tomb Raider flick, even Mexican food with friends and a couple of parties, but that is about it, except for a couple of distinct memories, one from exactly 10 years ago and another from exactly 20.

I mentioned our July 4^th plans for 1999 in my last blog, spending time in Boston both in the city and in Schaumberg with our Arab friends. However, 20 years ago I remember the music I was listening to and the movie I saw on July 4. Why? Because this week they released the 20^th anniversary DVD of a life changing movie moment for me.

On July 4, 1989 I was a 20 year old college Junior living in the Theta Chi fraternity house in Tallahassee, FL. I had plans for later in the day to watch fireworks with my old roommate (shout out to Mike Houghton) and his friends and I had just bought Don Henley’s End of the Innocence (89 was a good music year with Tom Petty, Jackson Browne, The Replacements, Depeche Mode, De la Soul, King’s X and The Pixies releasing great albums). In fact, I would be attending a seminal show in 3 days, on my 21^st birthday.* Henley's (along with Browne's and Niel Young's) album was a late 80s Liberal college student dream work.

But, on this day before heading out to a patriotic event, I journeyed to the local cinema by my lonesome for a matinee showing of the 2^nd most controversial movie of the year** which had just opened in Tallahassee, Do the Right Thing. As became a common occurrence, I found no friends to watch a Spike Lee movie with me and was the only or near only white guy in the theater. Watching that movie is probably the single most patriotic thing I have ever done on July 4.

It blew my mind, re-oriented my world view, cemented my ideas about race and disturbed the peace-nick in me. I had always walked in between 2 worlds… frat guy but tee totaling Jesus freak that danced til 2 AM and got up early for church, Southern Baptist/ Campus Crusader but political Liberal (by the day’s standard) that sucked at packaged evangelism, member of a closeted racist organization (my fraternity) advocating racial equality in the Greek system, a poor kid masquerading as something else. This film shook up both of those worlds.

From the opening bombast of Public Enemy’s Fight The Power to the uncomfortable hilarity of the racist stereotyping scene from every ethnicity to the closing moments of racial tensions setting off a powder keg of riots and the ending quotes by Malcom X and MLK, I sat there in stunned silence, tears in my eyes and stomach churning. I remember being noticeably downbeat at the fireworks presentation that evening.

The DVD has just been released on its 20^th anniversary. Bush I has given way to Obama, but I think the power of the film has not wavered. It is simply one of the best films ever made and the gutsiest I can think of. All of my white friends judged it when it came out, but none saw it. Of course, life imitated art a few years later with the Rodney King verdict in LA, with much defamation of Spike Lee and his film. It was blamed for the riots with no understanding of what the film was trying to say (honestly, it reminds me of Fight Club in the total misunderstanding people have of the movie). See it again or for the first time on its 20^th birthday… and remember to Fight the Power.

*I saw The Replacements, one of the greatest bands to ever grace a stage in America. I was given backstage passes, sharing words and food with a noticeably drunk Paul Westerberg, strangely turning down his offer of a beer opting instead for a signed drumstick, backstage pass and t-shirt (proclaiming “I was ripped off for $18 bucks by The Replacements”).

**#1 most controversial? The Last Temptation of Christ. Proving that talking about race is only trumped by talking about religion for controversy. Looking back, that movie was pretty lame.

National Geographic on Arab Christians (and my 10 yr anniversary of friendships with a group of them)

link to pictures

The stories in this enlightening article about Arab Christians are the stories of my friends. I have mentioned it before on this blog and talked ad naseum about the plight of Arab Christians. This is mostly due to friendships gathered during the past decade (actually this weekend marks the 10^th Anniversary of an invite as speaker at Boston’s Arab Baptist Conference). What started with my assumptions about Arab Christians quickly became a lesson in how pointless assumptions are. I actually thought I was going to be with a group of extremely modest dressers in hijabs or burkas that would be offended by what I might say (kind of a combo of Muslims and Independent Baptist). This was nothing like what I encountered, the most hospitable, hip, well dressed and financed group of friends that kept us out too late and made fun of each other unmercifully (and made fun of me for being extremely white). In other words… my kind of people.

These Arab Christians shared their stories, invited us into their lives and homes, supported my ministry, attended our church in Boston and kept bringing me back to speak at their events. Of all the people my wife and I have met along our journey together as partners, Christians and ministers, this group of friends is close to the top.

Most of all they enlightened me, one that thought everyone from the Middle East was Jewish or Muslim. Although I had a Lebanese Christian Seminary professor and took classes on the area and its religions, I still had assumptions until I heard the stories; stories of people caught between Islam and Judaism and in the nether regions of a US foreign policy supported by American Christians which has ravaged Arab Christian numbers in the Middle East, a group of people feeling animosity at times for the support America and American Christians have for Israel and justified anger towards Israel's policies (the policies we support are often at the expense of Christians who have been lumped in with Muslims and find themselves aligning with them on many occasions). In fact, this American Christian unconditional support for anything done by Israel has hurt our own brothers and sisters, which is directly in conflict with the call of Jesus in Matthew 25 to care for our brothers and sisters in prison, without food and clothes. Ironic, huh?

I have heard the stories of a teenager from Gaza which was the hardest counseling session I have ever encountered (how do you counsel someone that fears bombings, is surrounded by another religion and wants desperately to leave her country for safety, when you have benefited from America’s luck?), sat on a train with a podiatrist from Lebanon as he told us of the day he returned to his home which had been bombed before fleeing to America or the mother of friends from Palestine who never had citizenship, rights or a passport in her own country, I have a Christian friend with the unfortunate name Jihad (he goes by Ji) and friends from Egypt that have been accused of being terrorists on many occasions, even though one worked for an American defense manufacturer.

These are the stories of Arab Christians many of whom are from the Levant (Syria, Palestine, Jordan, Israel and Lebanon), where Christianity was founded and flourished for centuries. Now Christians make up about 8% of the population (down from 25% a century ago), mostly in Lebanon and have all but left places like the area surrounding Damascus. They have left because of violence, oppression and pressure, not just from Muslims, but from Israelis and America’s foreign policy which at times put them in danger (see the plight of Iraqi Christians since our invasion).

I am grateful to National Geographic for giving their stories to us. I hope we remember them as we look at the Middle East and our Arab neighbors in America.

link to article

hat tip to Derek via David Dark.

Dangerous Blogging

I have not been blogging as much lately, but it is not due to having nothing to say. I have found myself self censoring a lot lately. There are some things I just don't want to put out there, or think that I will suffer some sort of consequence* if I relate them, especially on some sacrosanct and politically correct topics. There is so much consensus in the world in which I sit that an alternative view seems dangerous, especially related to groups/ issues we are supposed to support, political and theological opinions we are supposed to have and ways we identify ourselves.

It is one thing for me to be controversial on pop culture topics. It is quite another to put myself out there on other things. And I have found myself holding back a lot lately. To be honest, I have held back on many things in the past, especially things that I don't hold dear and that I am ambivalent or agnostic about. But, I feel like I am in bit of a no man's land right now on some things (I could piss off both sides of some issues with my real opinions).

I am sure I am not the only one in this boat. Do you find yourself favoring too much or too little potentially dangerous opinion in your writing? Do you try to walk a middle ground? If so, why? Just making sure I am not crazy:)

* not sure what the real consequences are beyond pissing people off, garnering negative comments, losing readership, becoming a pariah or losing a chance at a position or career option. I am sure there are other consequences, some of which are worse than others.

A Soundtrack for Clinical Pastoral Education

I may have mentioned that I have been part of Clinical Pastoral Education during the past few months. It is a class that you can take during seminary or serve in a residency for an entire year. It is much more intense than a regular class with weekly personal/ theological reflections, as well as regularly shared pastoral encounters, in which a student shares a pastoral dialogue between student and patient/ parishioner which is torn apart by the class. This allows the student to see his or her deficiencies as a pastor/ chaplain so he or she can provide better care in the future. While it is usually tied to medical chaplaincy, it should be part of any seminary education process because it makes better pastors and ministers. Sadly, only a few seminaries and denominations require it. I wanted it in seminary but was unable to take it. I am now finishing up a unit related to my job responsibilities.

Part of my own discipline in the class is to intersect music which speaks directly to my soul and is the lens through which I see life and my theological/ personal reflections. I pick a song each week as a soundtrack to my reflection, sometimes using it in class (sometimes just sharing its lyrics). In the midst of this I have created a nice little mixtape of my own spirituality as expressed in this class, a soundtrack for Rick Bennett at this moment in his life. Here are some of the selections (I wish muxtape was still around so I could create it to be listened to).

Some of these songs are deeply reflective and personal and some will make no sense without context or familiarity. Such is the aim of CPE. Its desire is to force its participants to dig deep into their own psyche and spirit to better deal with those things which hold us back from caring for others. Yes, it is cheaper than therapy, especially if someone else is paying.

When I began this class I made a list of probable songs, most of which I have not used. Of course, maybe I will use some of them for a second unit of CPE. But it does strike me that what I thought I would use and talk about did not come to pass. Some of the assumed, but unused songs include: Windowsill/ My Body is a Cage / No Cars Go/ (antichrist television blues) by Arcade Fire, Fake Empire by The National, Best Imitation of Myself / You've Got to Live with Who you are by Ben Folds, Could be Worse by Eef Barzelay, I Might Be Wrong / Jigsaw Falling Into Place by Radiohead and The War Criminal Stands to Speak / Our Life is not a Movie by Okkervil River.

Here is the list of what was used weekly, with a lyrical taste:

Constructive Summer by The Hold Steady ("I heard your gospel, it moved me to tears, but I couldn't find the hate and I couldn't find the fear")

The Charging Sky by Jenny Lewis ("and it's a surefire bet I'm gonna die, so I'm taking up praying on Sunday nights... as insurance or bail")

Static on the Radio by Jim White ("Everything I think I know is just static on the radio")

When Angels Fall and All This Time by Sting ("2 priests came round our house tonight to offer prayers for the dying, to serve the final rite")

Both of Us'll Feel the Blast by Waterdeep ("I hope we sit together when Jesus serves the wine, so I can look into your eyes when I taste it the first time")

Furr by Blitzen Trapper ("and now my fur has turned to skin/ and I've been quickly ushered in/ to a world that I confess I do not know/ But I still dream of running carelessly through the snow)

Still Fighting It by Ben Folds ("everybody knows it hurts to grow up/ and everybody does/ Let me tell you what/ The years go by/ and We're still fighting it")

I Saw the Light by Hank Williams, Sr. ("Then Jesus came in like a stranger in the night/ Praise the Lord, I saw the light")

Sympathy for Jesus by Don Chaffer and the Khrusty Brothers ("I'm saddled with a job you know of interpreting my Dad, to a bunch of frightened people/ frightened or just mad")

Throw it All Away by Toad the Wet Sprocket ("with the time I waste on the life I never had, I could have turned myself into a better man")

Bastards of Young by The Replacements ("those who love us best are the ones we' lay to rest, and visit their graves on holidays at best/ those who love us least are the one's we'll die to please...")

Intervention by Arcade Fire ("working for the church while your family dies")

Righteous Path by The Drive By Truckers ("I don't know God, but I fear his wrath, I'm trying to keep focused on the righteous path")

What are some of the songs on your soundtrack?

Does twitter make us lazy? (some limits of social networking)

is it just me, or does the social networking cause relational passivity?

I am speaking as a user, not an outside critic but as a user so slow that I just realized something the critic probably complain about all the time.

I know... we think that, because it brings us into connection with hundreds of people, social networking ties us together (which it does on a certain level, especially if I have something to promote). However, I have noticed on facebook, the blogs and especially through twitter, an allowance for relational passivity. No longer do we (the Imperial we?) call a friend to see how they are doing and tell them something important. Heck, we no longer even email people. Instead we update each other via twitter, which is fine for those following us, but not for deep friendship. I like knowing what Billy Joe in NYC that I read daily is up to and he should not email me (or even DM me) about his impending marriage.

However, there are some things my former roommate from college and best man in my wedding needs to tell me in person (or via phone/ email). Yes, we can use twitter and fb for personal messaging, but I don't want to tell the world in general that I have a disease or someone close to me died (neither of which have happened) before sharing it with those whom I value for their personal connections, those I am loyal to and are loyal to me. they deserve personal attention.

Along these same lines, people think that a mention of you in a posting is as good as a personal thank you, apology, phone call or email. This is relational laziness. Eventually people notice (kinda like the open letter).

However, my biggest issue as a twitter user for a while is this. It makes us passive and lazy relationally when we are in need of help, advice or support. Too many times I have seen on twitter a need/ want just laid out there with no context (how can we give context in 140 characters? I know this).

Her is how it works: I need an answer to a simple question, so I tweet and someone gives me the answer. Awesome for me.

or, I want to know how to solve a problem, so I tweet and someone give me an answer. Awesome for me.

or, I need a ride to the airport, so I tweet and someone says, "I will take you." Awesome for me.

But, all of this makes me passive and lazy. I have a need, desire or want and I do nothing relational. I put it out there and wait for you to contact me with an answer or salvation for my problem. You, as the one with the help have to do the work and I get all the benefit.

I must say, I do not like this equation, especially as a follower of Christ. It is not good for personal relationships.

Does this mean I will no longer tweet? No. But, it may mean I will pick up the phone or email someone when I need something, before I get passive and let everyone else come to me with the answer... and I may not fall into the trap of affirming and enabling such relational passivity. It may also mean that I don't just use social networking when I have a need, or when I want something done. I may try to connect with people for the purposes of getting to know them, not just using them.

But, probably not.

been thinking about this song once again

as I have been thinking of 1 Corinthians 13 and Paul's admonition to grow up, stopping thinking and acting like a child and start thinking and acting like an adult, in response to leaving something behind that has probably stunted my growth in many ways (I may talk about it in a public venue at some time), I keep thinking of a song by Toad the Wet Sprocket, a song that I have shared on my blog before. 

It is a song that has been a prayer of mine since I first heard it over a decade ago. Throw it All Away can be a little preachy and obvious, but sometimes the best sermons and Bible passages are not particularly subtle, especially if we don't have the ears to hear the nuances.

The line that has always stuck out to me, is this: "with the time I waste on the life I never had, I could have turned myself into a better man."

take your cautionary tales
take your incremental gain
and all the sycophantic games
and throw 'em all away

burn your tv in your yard
and gather 'round it with your friends
and warm your hands upon the fire
and start again
take the story you've been told
the lies that justify the pain
the guilt the weighs upon your soul
and throw 'em all away

tear up the calendar you've bought
and throw the pieces to the sky
confetti falling down like rain
like a parade to usher in your life
take the dreams that should have died
the ones that kept you lying awake
when you should've been all right
and throw 'em all away

with the time i waste on the life i never had
i could've turned myself into a better man

'cause there ain't nothing you can buy
and there is nothing you can save
to fill the whole inside your heart
so throw it all away
won't fill the whole inside your heart

help me empty out this house
the wool i've gathered all these days
and thought i couldn't do without
and throw it all away

have you accepted your own salvation?

Sitting in my Clinical Pastoral Education class, the Supervisor leaned towards one of the students and asked this simple question, "have you accepted your own salvation?" It was the kind of question that made a few of us sit up in our chairs and take notice due to its subtlety. If you had grown up as I had, you had heard "have you accepted Jesus Christ for your salvation?" many times. In fact, you had been coerced, rehearsed or forced to answer this question multiple times, sometimes in the same meeting. For many of us, the familiarity not only rang hollow, but brought contempt (as Willard has spoken of) for the line.

However, I had never heard this exact statement... not once. Probably just a throw away line by our supervisor to cause a student trying to control a situation and "play God" in the lives of others to reassess his issue, it struck me as terribly profound. To a person that comes from a belief system that considers personal salvation the epoch of human experience and importance, this hopefully causes a bit of dissonance. It is one thing for one to believe in the idea that he has been saved from something, but it is something else to look in the mirror of his life and see himself as no longer in control.

I am sure a few readers will disagree, thinking that "of course, we see ourselves in this light. We made a decision to accept this." However, others may realize that living this acceptance of our own salvation has more to do with issues such as control, power and self regard than it does with morality and doctrine. If I believe that I am finite, limited and unable to "save" myself apart from another (as I do- it is how I define "depravity") then an issue such as control may be the hardest part of salvation and spiritual formation. It is cuts to the heart of the narcissist in all of us.

If I am playing God in the lives of others, attempting to control them, or pushing my own sense of perfection or normalcy, then I am not living as one that accepted their own salvation.

If I am living as if God needs me to mount of defense or prove God's love, wrath, power and existence I have not accepted my own salvation from my own self and my own mind or control.

If I am trying to (as Bono eloquently put it) "help God across the street like a little old lady" which I see in so many of the Internet fights, pseudo conversations and debates over doctrine, practice and "truth," I need to be reminded of my desire to deify my own mind and its understanding.

I may need to realize that the hardest part of accepting my own salvation is accepting that I am no longer in control of anything, especially others. Sure, many of us give lip service to such a concept, but I question the ease of this for anyone with a healthy ego and sense of self, which means pretty much anyone in Christian leadership (preachers, theologians, college profs and bloggers). This has become a new question I ask myself on occasion, and it may be something I add to my repertoire when directing someone spiritually.

This whole thing has gotten me thinking about the flip side to Peter Rollins confession that he denies Christ's resurrection every time he does not:

serve at the feet of the oppressed, each day that I turn my back on the poor; I deny the resurrection of Christ when I close my ears to the cries of the downtrodden and lend my support to an unjust and corrupt system.

However there are moments when I affirm that resurrection, few and far between as they are. I affirm it when I stand up for those who are forced to live on their knees, when I

speak for those who have had their tongues torn out, when I cry for those who have no more tears left to shed.

hospice for churches

As some of you may know, I work in Hospice. I am the Director of Spiritual Care and Volunteer Services for a large non-profit hospice in the Tampa Bay area. Very seldom do I see actual patients, spending much of my time in meetings, making sure our entities are in compliance on issues I oversee and trying to come up with better ways to use volunteers and provide spiritual care to patients and families. It is not particularly glamorous or as heavy duty as those in the field on a daily basis.

I have come to realize that my job as related to spiritual care is to make sure our Chaplains can help decrease the amount of suffering people do as they die. That is it. It is palliative in nature. We don't heal. We don't cure. We offer support which will hopefully allow patients and their families grieve better, find meaning in the suffering and gain hope for the future (best case scenario). This is what I do on a daily basis.

However, on Wednesday night I realized I was playing the same role as one of our hospice chaplains once more. However, this time it was not with an individual patient or family. It was with a church. This church has been on the decline for a number of years. It was once a thriving part of a growing community, one that eventually began a slow decline towards crime, poverty, decay and "white flight." During the past decade or so, the neighborhood (which my family lives in) has slowly gentrified. It is now known for expensive 1920's bungalows, liberal politics, beautiful oak trees, along with crime, poverty and prostitution. In other words, it is a city neighborhood. And it needs palliative care as it dies.

As the neighborhood has regained its footing, the church has steadily declined. A church known for its progressive theology, social justice advocacy and community involvement has dwindled to 12- 15 active persons, most over the age of 60 or 70. The church houses a thriving day care and offers itself to multiple congregations and community groups (AA and such) weekly. The pastor also serves another church and the Parish Associate is a wonderfully spry retired octogenarian Presbyterian pastor. They are ready to move on and asked me to help.

Five years ago they voted to die. However, the church is in long term hospice care, needing to be given permission by its members to end, so something can rise in its place. Whereas some patients hang on for a long time because of unresolved issues, so do churches. I believe this church is waiting in some sort of limbo until its members know the future of the church in the community. While they are coming to the realization that their days are numbered and they will never regain glory, they are in need of people to assure them that death is not the end of church in the neighborhood and their years of work are not for naught.

That is where I, along with a few others, have come in. As a former pastor and church planter in the community, I wanted to encourage them that, while it may be the end for this particular branding of church, it did not need to be the end of a presence in the community. They could will their building to the denomination or another community of their choice. They could establish a church plant or revitalization effort with the denomination. They have many options. However, waiting is no longer one. To put it bluntly, life support needs to be removed after a will and future directives are established.

I hope we can help them in the writing of this will so the church can end its present life in the knowledge its resources and work are taken care of, confident in its place in the Kingdom of God. Yes, its members will grieve greatly, but it is a natural piece of the process. This church needs to be honored for its wisdom, grace and gift to the future.

Too often, other churches think that the Biblical concept that the church will prevail against the gates of Hell gives us some sort of Divine rite to continual existence. We think that church death is against the nature of our faith. We think that churches must continually grow. We do not understand that there are seasons for growth and death (another Biblical idea). There are natural life cycles, which not pumped up by endowments, should be allowed to happen. For a church to die and be reborn as another congregation is life affirming. To die with no future course of action is the sad thing. While some churches can live for centuries, some fulfill their purpose in decades, years of months. To see one die that has served its purpose well should be a time of celebration (like a wake), not just mourning.

Over my years of ministry I have told people each denomination that has a church planting or church growth department also needs a department of church death, so churches can die with dignity and grace, to be reborn when needed and to give their resources to other churches when they can not be reborn.

Right now I am calling it Hospice for Churches.

Church Shopping

Apparently the Obamas and the Bennetts have something in common besides very cute kids and a predilection for rescued dogs. Both of us, along with many in America, are engaged in the reviled activity, church shopping. As a former pastor and non-seeker church guy, I have been against the idea on numerous occasions.

Even Slate Magazine has something to say about the subject. 

Unlike many of those that would be considered post-congregational, we have nothing against the church or churches. We love church but have found ourselves out of church due to a number of factors. As a former pastor, I had not church shopped since grad school until our move to Tampa. 

When we arrived in Tampa after my last church gig, we looked around for a while, had a few truncated attempts and gave it up for a house church community. Not wanting to give up on "normal" church, we found one via Internet search. It was less painful than others in the area and we gave it a shot. We were there a few years and I was one of the leaders. Through a series of events, including the pastor leaving and an ensuing power struggle, we felt it best to leave before the possible bloodshed.

Since that day, we have been church-less. We had a home church at our house for a number of months and have tried others on occasion, including the churches of friends and foes. We have been asked to be part of a wonderful young church and its leadership. I trust the pastor implicitly, but we live in 2 different worlds. Plus, my family does not feel comfortable in the setting for a number of reasons.

The church I used to work in (Interim) could be a possibility. The associate pastor, who leads the contemporary service is a mentor and friend and the music guy is among my favorite people in Tampa. However, socio-economically, culturally and locale-wise we are on the outside of the church. We have friends leading other congregations, but for a number of reasons it has not been a good fit.

So, we are at it again. We have thought about it for a while and our daughter came last week with the request, "can we start going to church again?" The answer to such a question in our home is an unequivocal, "Yes."

So, on Sunday we began our Lenten journey... to find a home church, however imperfect, by Easter.

We know that, as mutts with our emerging church background, finding a church that we feel comfortable in the walls of is not easy. We have some set criteria and are open to many new experiences, since we know we will not find a church in town that fits us holistically. We are interested in churches so outside our comfort zone that we have no such criteria. We tried a normal "Christian church" on Sunday we may return to at some time. We are thinking of a couple of orthodox churches, an Episcopal church, a Willow Creekish seeker church where we can be hidden for a while and our kids have a good program, a Presbyterian Church and some neighborhood churches. For some reason most Tampa churches are copies of the same template, so finding diversity is not terribly easy.

Let shopping the journey begin.

rattling on and on about why I don't talk much about theology

a few friends have been asking me why I don't blog much about theology, spirituality, the Bible and Jesus any more. I have thought about this and given plenty of answers, one of which is implied here. 

While part of it lies in my love of sports, music, food, film, politics, humor, sarcasm, and me, there is another reason. I don't care about, have a strong opinion on, or think some things matter as much as many who put some much stock in certain issues do. I feel (or don't feel) this way about homosexuality, gay marriage and unions, who is in an out of heaven and hell, atonement theory, denominations, who is right and wrong about theological matters (not entirely true- there are 3 or 4 subjects I feel strongly matter- and they are not what you probably think), Calvinism (I have strong opinions but they would piss off both sides) and who is in and out of orthodoxy and Emergent (just to name a few). Also, although I was an early supporter of Obama (04 Baby), I don't genuflect at his image like many I read. However, to be part of the theological conversations out there you must have strong opinions on these subjects and I have been around this stuff for a long time and am pretty laid back on some matters others take WAY too seriously. 

I think there are many good theologically astute blogs out there, much better than mine with much sharper minds on these subjects, and my strengths lie elsewhere. If I blog about theological matters, I feel I could be parroting what others are saying or getting myself into such controversy my wife will ask me to make this blog anonymous once more. You see, lately I have been thinking a lot more about theological issues, but some of those thoughts are not mainstream (in Emergent or Evangelicalism). This is after a few years in which I have not put as much work into theological/ spiritual matters as I had in the past. Why?

For one thing, I have had jobs which do not allow such thought. So, my reading has tended to come from other disciplines which can either relate to what I have been working on, or are for simple pleasure (of course, my idea of pleasurable reading would make some people think I am weirder than I really am). 

Also, we are not presently active in a church (not due to lack of trying), so I do not have much to react to, beyond my thoughts and those of friends, blogs or books. When I have led a church or been active in a church, I have blogged about those things I (we) were dealing with or discussing. I guess this could be an outlet for those theological reflections not expressed in ministry, but I find myself drawn to lighter subjects because they take less energy.

I do engage in theological conversation that I have thought of sharing here. I am in serious discussions with friends and family and among some friends in blogdom and on a discussion board. However, I tend to get sick of the exclusionary tone and lack of honest discussion I see out there. I tend to get tired of each person sharing their theological or Biblical opinion, thinking (left and right), they are right. 

There is too much self assurance and self righteousness (especially among those in official ministry*). There is too little reflection and humility. Sadly, I have seen that lately among former friends and colleagues (much of it in the comments sections and on social networking sites). So, I stick with things in which strong opinions do not matter and have no real world implications (food, culture, sports, etc.). In other words, I tend to stay away from theological reflections online because I take them seriously and do not take myself (and you) seriously at all.

Also, I am a little concerned with publishing some of these thoughts in a public setting (even such a small niche). I am in the midst of some redefinition of terms and theological growth that I have not defined well enough to share in a setting that may offend my readers or demand clarification I am not ready to give (and defend thoughts I do not hold dearly). In fact, some of my ideas have very little to do with defined theology and much more to do with neuroscience and psychology (which are not my strengths). I am emerging left on some issues, right on others and into very new territory on others, all of which would make people question my salvation (as a good Emergent Christian or EE-vangelical).

As I think about ministry, church and pastoral work (still like the idea and would like to jump back in someday- on my terms), I may try to share some of these thoughts in this public forum. I may get back to social justice issues (which have always concerned me). I will try to get back to subjects that actually matter, but don't hold your breath. I am not there yet (and the Cardinals still need my undivided attention).**

*people have gotten quite bold bragging about their ministry, their accomplishments, their service and their actions (especially in forums like twitter and facebook- "look at me, I am better than you").

** did I mention that I need tickets to the Super Bowl? Help a brother out. 

refelctions of a lifelong St. Louis/ Arizona Cardinals fan

To be an Arizona Cardinals fan is to be a happy person today. 

To be an Arizona Cardinals fan since 1975 (or so) is to be an even happier person today. I almost cried last night (but stopped. my kids already thought I was a little nuts stomping around, freaking out, barely able to breath, etc.).

To be an Arizona fan that has lived with Cowboys fans, lived in Cowboys territory, suffered through lost seasons where we were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs by the 3rd Quarter of the Season's 1st game, seen great draft picks bust here and excel elsewhere (Hearst, Rice among the names), watched a team leave St. Louis because they were such a failure the town did not want them and have to have secondary teams to watch and cheer so I could get though the season (thanks to surrogates like the 49ers, Bucs, Patriots and Packers over the years). 

I have listened to or watched drafts yearly since the mid-80s, each year thinking we got our hands on someone that would put us over the hump or watched the hiring of a new coach, wondering if the Bidwells had finally found the right man and would give him the talent and patience needed. I have suffered through embarrassing losses and watched upstarts end up winners, always wondering when our time would come. 

I have thought Neil Lomax, Timm Rosenbach, Jake Plummer and Mat Leinart were the potential savior of our franchise, thinking one of them could reach the level of Jim Hart, my childhood QB. I would have never guessed it would have been a 37 year old castoff. I have seen great receivers lost in the desert heat and am seeing the emergence of possibly the best receiver to ever play the game.

As a child I remember the embarrassment of the 1977 Thanksgiving game in which the Dolphins (my other favorite team at the time) beat up on the Cardinals 55-17 (I have never forgiven the Dolphins).

I have physically watched them lose in Washington, Dallas (3 times) and Tampa. I have driven 20 hours straight to watch them beat a supposedly superior Redskins team in Tempe on a missed field goal and on television I have seen them win 1 playoff game before this season. 

And I have seen a team no one respected or thought should be in the playoffs beat 3 favoritesto take their deserved place in a Super Bowl!

This week I will give you a couple of more such reflections because I deserve this as someone that has stayed with a pathetic franchise while the rest of the world jumped on the bandwagon of a winner (yeah, Dallas fans I am speaking to you- even if you picked them at 5 or 6, you were backing a winner).*

I know this hill is high to beat the Steelers, but we have persevered so far this year. We can attain it. I, for once, am happy about my own team. I can cheer for the team I have always wanted to see in the game (in Tampa).

BTW, find me tickets. I deserve them and live less than 5 miles from the stadium.

*Bucs fans pre Dungy are exempt from this judgment.

My Redneck Past (and your musical education)

As I have been making my way through Tom Moon's 1,000 Recordings to Hear Before You Die, I am finding lost albums and artists I have loved and forgotten about, one being the late great Marty Robbins. Robbins, an iconic country music legend died in 1982 before he could experience a resurgence along the lines of Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn or Waylon Jennings. 

Growing up with a father that loved everything about classic country music, I was well versed in the wonders of Marty Robbins, my dad's favorite. His 1973 album Good'n Country which has been out of print forever is one of the lost gems of music. My dad burned it up on our 8 track and it was one of the reasons I rebelled against country music and found other genres. 

It was not until I was older that I rediscovered my lost past, the country music of my childhood. Hating everything modern Nashville stood for, I had learned to dislike county music. But the stuff I remembered from my dad was unlike anything I heard (and hear) when I turned on the radio. It had more in common with punk, alternative rock, folk and Americana, extolling the glories of bad attitudes, lost love and innocence and twang, miles away from the cheap sentimentality that are hallmarks of modern country.

As I delved into my redneck past, I realized that very little music is better than country music from the 50s-70s. I also realized that this music I had rebelled against had seared itself into my consciousness and my blood. I eventually took a job at a country music station and made my dad happy once more.

While in grad school I even found this lost gem of Marty Robbins in a local used record store for $20. I made the guy play it loud in the store much to the chagrin of my roommates. 

As I grew older I found myself drawn to the alt country crowd and music, understanding that they were direct descendants of the musicians of my childhood while the Kenny Chesneys and whomever else Nashville is pimping stood in the shadows of American Bandstand, direct descendants of top 40, not the art of country music.

So, as I admit my redneck past, let me give you a glimpse into my most favored of all Marty Robbins songs, one that very few people have heard and even fewer remember (but I remember every little line even though I have heard it only a few times in the past 25 years and not once in the past 15, until today). You may not like it, because you don't get it. But, here is Marty Robbins singing Twentieth Century Drifter.

	- - Marty Robbins - Twentieth Century Drifter
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

The album many consider his best is Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs which has some of the best outlaw country you have never heard. I was listening to it today on my iPod (see, my music taste is so much cooler than yours- I listen to dead country singers).

I also recommend these songs you can hear on YouTube The Hanging Tree, Big Iron,  A White Sport (and a Pink Carnation) and his biggest song, El Paso:

remembering the forgotten

As we move towards Martin Luther King Day, January 19 (the day before the inauguration), I am reminded of the lost stories of the struggle for Civil Rights in America. Sadly, before MLK and Emmit Till there were a number of martyrs, victims of unspeakable violence that go unremembered. Before Rosa Parks there were brave African Americans standing for rights those of my race have taken for granted for a millennium whose stories go untold.

Yesterday was the 85th Anniversary of the Rosewood Massacre in North Florida. It is, sadly, one of the dark stains on the racial history of my home state, as well as the nation. Somehow, it has not gotten much press throughout the years, even the film version made little cultural impact.

Over the course of a week or so many blacks were killed or injured by a mob of whites from the region surrounding Cedar Key. In fact, the historically black village of Rosewood was destroyed, never to become more than a marker on the side of the road. It is a story that needs to be remembered, especially by those of us from Florida.

Yet another story I was reminded of yesterday upon hearing it was the anniversary of the Rosewood Massacre was the death of Willie James Howard, which also happened in early January. I first heard of this tragic story a couple of years ago while reading about it in the Tampa paper. Very seldom do I see stories about my home town 3 hours from Tampa in the bend of Florida as the Panhandle begins in the big city paper.

The story I read about a young black man whose only crime was sending a Christmas card to the daughter of an influential white man in Live Oak in 1944. He was kidnapped, along with his dad, tied up and taken to the Suwanee River, which I grew up on. He was killed in front of his father, who was driven back to work to finish his shift. 

As I read the story, I became aware of names that I knew. Those 3 white men involved in death of this young man were prominent in my community. In fact, I was friends with grandchildren or nephews of 2 of the names. According to mom, one of the families is related to us (but everyone is related in my home town). They were on the list of deacons from my home church and their names still carry weight around Live Oak.

I called my mom, who was born there in 1930 and she confirmed the story. She had long heard the rumors and stories, seen the men at church and knew their past. She told me that people used to talk about it quietly, but the gossip had ended decades before. In fact, she had forgotten about the story of the murder of a young man her age until I reminded her of it.

For days I, as a big city guy with Liberal tendencies was aghast at how close such violence was to me and my heritage. I was sure that people I had grown up in the homes of, celebrated holidays with, been taught Sunday School by and respected were involved in such atrocities. However, I realized that I would never know. I would not go home and ask people about their connections, knowing they would not be honest and those my age had never been told the truth. I was (and still am) haunted by this.

As we think about our first black President and the heritage of MLK and the Civil Rights struggle, we should investigate our own towns, whether South Boston, Queens, North Georgia or Virginia. Sadly, I am sure there are people in every place that need to be remembered and celebrated, their stories told and retold at this time of year.

follow the links from the blog title, along with those in the story to find out more about these 2 events.

to be a teenage Christian in Gaza

I was attempting a huge posting on this whole Gaza thing, telling some stories that give context to my conflicted emotions (raised in the church and its complex relationship with Israel, joining a substantially Jewish fraternity in college and working directly with Arab Christians for a number of years, among other things). However, I kept deleting things, realizing it was not working out as a "meta" piece. So, I am just going to tell you one reason my heart breaks for Gaza.

In 1999 my wife and I were invited to lead the young adults and youth at a regional event for Arab Christians in Boston. It is a highlight of my ministry experience, where many of my prejudices and assumptions were ripped from me to be replaced by wonder and life-long friendships. Upon our move to Boston in 2001, I was placed on some sort of circuit and spoke at numerous Arab Christian events during the next few years. They liked to consider me the token white guy.

One of the most powerful experiences was with a future Podiatrist on the train to NYC. As he sat with Kristi and I, this young man gave details into his life as a young Christian in Lebanon watching his house burn after a bombing in the early 80s. There was much diversity within the group with the largest contingents from Egypt and Palestine.

At an event in the Summer of 2002, a young Christian woman of 16 from Gaza visiting her family for the summer took an interest in challenging many of my theological points. I spent a lot of time with her during the week explaining my beliefs, which were similar to hers "officially." She struggled with many issues, including her relationship to Islam (most of her friends were Muslim and she was very much in the minority), Christianity's relationship to Israel (who she saw as an oppressor), theodicy and God's Will. Some of it was typical teenage believer stuff compounded by bombings, threats of violence and general horror of daily life.

She told me of her experiences in Gaza, which the media barely captures and the constant threat of violence. In fact, as she was returning to Gaza for the year, she called for some counsel. To this day, it is the hardest spiritual counseling moment of my life. I have dealt with abuse, incest,the accidental killing of a student, suicidal tendencies and weird sexual stuff as a minister as I counseled people. I usually do okay by saying very little and listening a lot (not my norm). However, she wanted advice and answers.

I tried my best to give the answers we have all given. Nothing worked for a young lady faced with following Christ in one of the most dangerous places on earth, where her only friends belonged to a religion that feels hers is inferior, where Air Raids stop prayer and where her parents would not leave, even though they had the means and she desparetly wanted to come to America. All of the John Piper "find joy in your sufferings" and "God's will" would be spitten back at a preacher. And, she had a point. How could I, as a white American pastor that had lived in relative comfort my ntire life have anything to say? Luckily she was gracious and I had a few "not so useless and stupid" things to say.

I mention this because I cannot help think of her, her family and the few Christians stuck in the middle of this conflict, not of their making. I think of her running underground when the bombs drop and all of the American preachers concerned with Israel more than the plight of Palestinian Christians. I think of my friends and their families suffering in these conflicts and praying for peace, as I do.

That is what I am thinking of when I see the mdeia coverage which tells less than half the story. 

Remembrance Services, Suicide and Genius

(if you do nothing else read the block quote)

As I have mentioned on occasion I rarely mention my job on this blog. The serious nature of what I do for a living is one of the reasons I tend to write little about theology, the emerging church or religion in general, while others focus on those issues. While I love to read, write and discuss such issues, I have no context presently for more than theoretical ramblings. My job, while spiritual in nature lives in a different universe than those things I have been involved in during the past 10+ years. When I get a chance to write, my mind ventures to light, frothy topics that I can get keyed up for in a few moments (it is why I hardly ever write about the justice issues which consume my mind- plus everyone else, especially those more earnest than I, write about them).

In fact, my job revolves around thinking of death, dying and other happy thoughts. If I shared what I do on a daily basis you would never return to this blog (but maybe I could get a few more readers interested in Hospice work).

As Director of Spiritual Care for a large local group of hospices, I work directly with Chaplains, but rarely get to see the people we work with on a daily basis. However, last night afforded me the occasion to be with 100 or so family and friends of those that have died while in hospice care. The ceremony, Lights of Love, is a time of reflection and remembrance. My job was quite simple, just a give the invocation/ blessing in a non-sectarian, yet meaningful manner. Then sit down and say a name of a loved one that has died when lighting a candle.

I did not who to mention. Most of deaths of loved ones have been in the not recent past. I have not lost a close family member or friend in a few years. So, I decided to say the name of a friend from High School that committed suicide earlier this year. I had blogged about him and the return to my home for his funeral in July and not given much thought to him or his family the past few months. However, last night I took the time to pray for his widow and their children.

As I did this, my mind went back to the news of his suicide and the reaction of some friends. The things said were quite typical, focusing on his lack of faith, his lack of guts, his cowardly and selfish act. They said that they thought he was happy and that life seemed to be going okay. They guessed the reasons why. The same things people say all the time and no one questions. Why? It is conventional wisdom. Yet, it always strikes me as shallow, callous and without meaning.

We are trying to make sense of the senseless, so we return to these preconditioned ideas not taking into account the complexities, the pain, the fear, the years in the making nature of such an act and the hopelessness that a person feels. We focus on the former, not the latter because it makes us feel better to lash out when we should attempt to understand. I cannot tell you if Shawn was depressed or anything else, and I have no right to ask or assume.

I have been thinking about this because I lost another “friend” to suicide in the fall. I had never met him and only occasionally thought about him, usually while reading an essay, book or piece of journalism. When I heard he had committed suicide, I remembered that I liked his work and went back to read some of his works and listen to a book on tape of his voice, one that I had forgotten about.

David Foster Wallace, a true American genius, was the most brilliant writer of his generation, yet that was not enough. He also suffered from severe depression, which he was never able to recover from. Rolling Stone had a devastatingly sad profile of his life, especially his last days in the October 30 issue, one that haunts me on this day.

Years before his suicide, DFW wrote about depression and suicide. It is those words I pass along today, as I think about the death of my friend and my lack of understanding when it comes to the severe depression that often leads to suicide. They are most poignant words I have ever read on the subject (thanks Rolling Stone for publishing them):

“You are the sickness yourself… You realize all this… when you look at the black hole and it’s wearing your face. That’s when the Bad Thing just absolutely eats you up, or rather when you just eat yourself up. When you kill yourself. All this business about people committing suicide when they’re ‘severely depressed;’ we say, ‘Holy cow, we must do something to stop them from killing themselves!’ That’s wrong. Because all these people have, you see, by this time already killed themselves, where it really counts… When they ‘commit suicide,’ they’re just being orderly.”

He never had a chance. My wife thinks I have been obsessed with DFW for the past month or so. Maybe I have. However, as a minister I want to get a glimpse of what people really go through, beautiful people with a darkness that is destroying them that the words of our training and Holy Book cannot seem to penetrate. Easy, simple answers are not, and have never been, enough.

Read the article, especially the last few paragraphs to get a glimpse of how being the best at something, and a great guy, may were not enough to overcome depression, even with years of therapy and drugs.

Sorry to bring you down- if you are crazy enough to be reading right now.

arguing about important stuff

apparently I hit 1,000 posts yesterday or the day before. Wow. I should have held a party or something. Anyhoo...

In case you did not know this, as a contrarian I love to argue about certain things:

1. Music (e.g. Coldplay is the Elton John of this generation, at best and Hanson is a good band)
   
2. Film (e.g. see post below or any comments regarding Ron Howard or the film Crash)
   
3. Politics (e.g. ideologues bore me)
   
4. Sports (e.g. The Gators did not deserve their 1st National Championship)
   
5. Television (e.g. Reality Shows bite, besides The Contender, season1 and Dexter is superior to the Sopranos)
6. Art (e.g. Dali sucks and Twombly is a genius)
7. Food (e.g. pork is superior to beef in barbecue and chili should not have beans)
   
8. Drink (e.g. Merlot is dependably uninteresting and IPAs are overrated)
   
9. The superiority of rescued animals vs pure breeds
   
10. Much Much More (pretty much anything cultural)
    

I don't really like to argue about religion or anything else I find to be of eternal significance. In fact, on serious subjects I tend to try to be more conciliatory, finding common ground when possible.

On arguable subjects, I will take multiple positions just to see where the conversation goes and at times find myself defending an indefensible position, just to see if I can do it and bring the other person to the dark side, or because I find the other person's position extreme, simplistic and lacking in nuance. My poor friends and family, huh?

The beauty of such arguments is that they don't matter at the end of that day and are only opinions, which (of course) are held too tightly by most people. I know this because I used to get comments on the blog from angry people because I slammed their beloved ____ (fill in blank). Now, they have given up, if they still read. 

I even remember hurting some one's feelings back in the 90s because I thought Friends was a sophomoric, overly emotional piece of drivel that was occasionally funny and lacking in anything beyond faux sophistication driven by unhealthy views of sexuality. I don't know why the person felt attacked because they thought it was "cute and funny." Luckily, I have mellowed (a little).

I mention all of this because I ran across a couple of posts on the Onion's AV Club where they ask critics the movies and films that they have gotten into the most arguments about. My favorite point in the film section is the critic that has argued against Brokeback Mountain. See, I am not the only one.

Here is the film list (read the end in which the critics start arguing)- I would say the film I have had the most arguments about is American Beauty, which I did not like.

Here is the Music List -I would say it is the second Hanson album, which is excellent and everyone dismissed without hearing it because; it is Hanson and they wrote "MMMMBop" (yeah, when they were 12. People grow up. The Beatles wrote "Love Me Do" and went on to "A Day in the Life").

What music, television and film have you argued the most over (or anything else I mentioned above)? Send people, especially Cade, on over.

rambling about Emergent

There has been a lot of discussion around the blogosphere lately about just what is this emergent, emergence and emerging Christianity. It seems to boil up seasonally. Some of it stems from the constant battle for formal statement of meaning in a thoroughly definition driven culture (see below for some of the most interesting).

The best things I am reading are reflections by people that have been part of this nonentity for a number of years. These personal stories are defined by intuition, embrace, nuance and lack of definition (I will call it the smell test- like Gladwell's book Blink; they know it when they see it). They are not defining emergent by the books we read, the right affiliations and friends, the right name dropping, the proper theological stance or the right music listened to. They are not deciding who is "not" emergent by their ecclesiology, liturgy, school attended (or else we not have such a heavy Liberty contigent), politics or denomination. This works for those that are inside (those that "get it"), but frustrates outsiders.

Those standing outside of something must define it, according to their terms, usually because they will refuse to believe those inside, since those in a movement are "corrupted" by their close proximity (there is some truth in this). The outsider does this because he needs to feel a compelling reason for not embracing a movement. This is the case in religion (like I have never done that to fundamentalism), politics, academia, and sports (why I feel so superior to pathetic Cubs fans). Heck, there is not a cultural phenomena that is not within the purview of this tendency.

We all decide whether we see something as dangerous, heretical, unhealthy, untruthful, a poor worldview, poor reasoning, uncool, nonsensical, or uncomfortable. I understand this need. It is quite normal and been around since the beginnings of documented civilization. It is not always, but usually, connected to a desire to feel in power or superior to another.

To think that a D.A. Carson, Albert Mohler or John Piper would consider the feelings, nuanced beliefs and stories of those defining themselves as emergent is naive. The critics of Emergent think one way, while many within Emergent think another way. It is no different when Republicans define, critique and lambaste Democrats on Fox News (or vice versa on MSNBC).

When doing this we are engaging in partisan thinking, which many self defined Emergents (especially newer ones) fall into. According to UVA professor of Psychology, Jonathan Haidt such thinking is defined as "reject first, ask rhetorical questions later." 

Because this conflict is about a way of thinking and nothing as simple as truth and falsehood, I have come to the conclusion that there will be no coming together between most of Emergents critics and most of Emergents participants. Only those critics that think like those within Emergent can understand what is happening (they are out there in dialogue). In fact, this is the case in most instances (in or outside of religion). The problems come from the line of thinking, not the facts (the facts are defined through the lens of the way we think).

It is the same reason some people vote Democratic or Republican (both sides are full of good people with a desire to see American society flourish). It is why most people think in a partisan manner and few do not think in such a manner. It is not because some are smarter, more spiritual, more enlightened or in any ways better. It is simply that some people need a bit more rigidity, more definition and more structure. They need "in" and "out." That must be accepted.

The irony that is not lost on me (and Emergent oldie) is that some of Newbies in Emergent think in a partisan manner. While their brains go first to a more open minded, nuanced place theologically, they still think in concrete (in and out) terms. When I look at blogs, I have noticed that some within our family have begun to define borders, orthodoxies and orthopraxis; whether this is monasticism, Anabaptist principles, Anti-Consumerism (which I do think should be a hallmark), Liberal or Democratic political ideals (but calling it moderate), anti-globalization, natural health and progressive views on women's issues, homosexuality and Biblical interpretation. While I think some of these are noble causes I can get behind, I think the danger lies in definition, which I believe many want- not just those on the outside, but also those on the inside.

I have heard too many friends tell me that a particular Church was not emergent based upon some window dressing or shallow theological point. Admittedly I have done so myself, only to repent afterwards. Just as insidious is the tendency I have seen from some that have "embraced" Emergent from very defined religious traditions (often without severe crises of faith, thought and emotion); which is a desire to define the theological particulars, co-opting the forms of their own traditional creed and systematic theology (even when calling it "narrative"). "What is the Emergent position on ____ _____?" is a comment question.

I have found myself reading many self defined "emergent" blogs and websites and only to be repelled by the insider language, lack of hospitality and inability to walk in the shoes of others (sadly I have even seen this on the Emerging Women blog countless times).* 

In my simpleminded little corner of the world, I look at someone like Morgan Spurlock as an example for Emergent. His show 30 Days is what I imagine those defining themselves as Emergent to be. It is the Anti-partisan way of thinking. It is empathetic. It demands that we consider the other, whether they be gay, poor, rich, gun-toting, Muslim, thoughtful or thoughtless, atheist or fundamentalist. We consider why they think the way they think and we accept them, not always their ideas, but them (with their ideas)*. It is to be considerate, in our actions and in our thinking.*** It is to not villainize others, because we too could be wrong in our thinking (just as arrogance is anathema to a truly reformed mind; it, too, must be such to an emerging mind- this should be common ground).

I feel I am rambling due to outside factors and not explaining clearly that I am coming to realize that (for all of our thoughts about what emergent is) Emergent is simply a way of thinking. That is it (just in a Christian context). And that is very scary to anyone that thinks in a partisan manner (whether left or right/ inside or outside). We said this in 1999, but quickly forgot this and moved to bigger things (I had accepted and promptly forgotten this principle until I saw so many self defined Emergents thinking in concrete, black and white terms).

In fact, when hanging with my Emergent friends, I come to the realization that those I count as safe may not consider themselves in Emergent or out, but their way of thinking (non partisan, considering the ideas of others and not automatically dismissing them, systemic, hospitable) is what makes them part of this movement (so yes, I am defining Emergent). And, when I think of who I consider part of emergent and who I think is not part of emergent, I look to Scripture, especially Philippians 2:1-11 (people that are like minded, not looking to their own interests, etc.)

The other irony is that I seldom use the term emergent, or talk about emergent. For me, it just is and there is no need to define it and confuse things, but today I have used the term more than I have in many moons. But, then again... what do I know?

*when particularly ornery mood,  I would invite those that think in a partisan (but "liberal, open minded") manner that want to define things to start their own camps and leave emergent to the slippery non partisan thinkers).

** within Emergent, I have felt pressure by some to have no boundaries. However, among those I count as longtime friends in this group, there is a characteristic of having one's own boundaries (however rigid they may seem), while holding no boundaries (mostly theological) for others in our community.

***it seems to me that Jesus did this.

__________________________________________________

some of the interesting things about Emergent lately include:

• Mike Stavlund's observations (he is showing some of the ways different thinking occurs religiously)
• Brian on some of the conversations.
• Andrew Jones has been on this topic for over a month. 
• Steve has been collecting a lot of this info at the Emergent Village blog.
• An excellent article that describes what I am thinking about. It explains why people vote Democratic and Republican based upon how they process information and what their mind values. It starts like it is going in a way that disses conservatives and takes a sharp turn quickly. Read it here. According to its author, we need to set aside our halo of our own way of thinking and understand that Liberals and Conservatives both have "deeply conflicting, but equally heartfelt visions of the good society."

happy thoughts

I am not the kind of guy that talks much about my actual job (I like to keep it separate from my blog), but today I was on a trip with an admission nurse visiting a man that was just coming under the care of hospice (I work with chaplains and volunteers). As I sat with the man and his wife my mind wandered, as it does a lot.

It wandered, as it does for anyone working in hospice, to my own mortality, thinking directly about my own future demise... thinking of how I will handle it if I (one day) come into hospice care, how I will react when the doctor tells me I am incurable (if I go out that way), how I will say goodbye to those around me, how I will reconcile those feelings, how I will bargain with God and how I will think about my kids, my regrets and my successes.

It can be quite overwhelming to think about death as much as one does when surrounded by death daily (whose very salary is funded by it). However, I thought about how little Americans think about death, how everything in our consumeristic society conspires to help us avoid the subject.. how little we want to think about it. You would think it would make us happy. But, it does not.

According to some wise people, thinking about our death will make us happier in the long run. Could it be that contemplating our own mortality and eventual demise, allows us to live more fully in the present and become a bit happier?*

Sounds nuts, huh? Just to us Americans. A book I read a few months ago discusses this, along with many subjects. It is called The Geography of Bliss. I recommend it.. along with contemplating your own mortality today.

* I think there are many reasons we, as a people, are not happier. But, I will just focus on this today.